marriage/family alive: 01/01/2013

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dr. Alice von Hildebrand is a Catholic philosopher and theologian, and also the widow of the outspoken anti-Nazi German philosopher, Dietrich von Hildebrand. She taught philosophy at Hunter College for thirty-seven years until her retirement in 1984, and has written several books. Born in Belgium, she came to the United States in 1940. In a wide-ranging interview in her apartment in New Rochelle last October, the 88-year-old Hildebrand spoke at length on topics ranging from womanhood, marriage and celibacy, to the eternal destiny of the human soul.
I think very highly of women and their role in God's plan. From day one in the Bible, woman is viewed as being very, very important. Woman is created to give, to provide, to help, to console. We are made by God for love and community. It's all in the Bible.
Read Genesis. It is so rich, but unless you go on your knees and meditate on it you are not going to grasp its full message. God first created nature and the animals, and everything was beautiful and good. Look at trees, at birds, at flowers, sunrise, sunset. It's so magnificent. But on the sixth day God created a being, Adam, in his image and likeness. And Adam looked at all the animals, and found that none was worthy of him. There was no one worthy of him and his dignity. And Adam was lonely.
Then God said, "It's not good for man to be alone." This is because we are made for communion. As human beings, that is our mission in life. So God gave Eve to Adam, and made her out of him, from his rib. And what is Adam's response when he sees Eve? His response is enchantment: "Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!" Personally, I believe that Eve was also impressed with him. There he was, strong and courageous, and he would protect her, the one who would help her, he was the one who was truly made for her just as she was made for him.
The tragedy of today's feminism is that it is based on the lie that we women are being cheated. It claims that we are abused because we are always doing the giving. We're somehow oppressed because we can never gain higher positions in the state or in the church, and so on. This lie is, to my mind, a cancer of our society.
But an even bigger lie is the idea that from the beginning woman was made inferior. This is unbelievable. What does Adam say about Eve? He says something amazing. Amazing! He calls her, "The mother of the living." This is a gem. The mother of the living! Between woman and life there is a bond which is so deep that one cannot separate the two. Genesis doesn't say this about Adam. Adam is not the father of the living, but Eve is the mother.
This is why abortion is such a terrible sin. For the first time in history we think that women and life can be separated. What does Christ say in the gospel in reference to Satan? "He was a murderer from the beginning." So you have Satan – a murderer. And you have Eve – the mother of life.
There is a Spanish proverb that says that if you tell a small lie you will be caught, but if you tell a big lie everyone will think, "Oh it's not possible for that to be a lie." What has happened today is that Satan has fooled women into believing that we are inferior if we bring forth new life. We have to change diapers, we have to cook, we have to feed our child; caring for a baby keeps us busy twenty-four hours a day. So now women think, "If I am bound to the house taking care of my babies, for goodness' sake I'll never be president! I'll never be Speaker of the House. I'll never be this or that or that!" It's such a lie.
Suppose you choose a career over children; suppose you are Speaker of the House. After a few years your term will be over. Then who is going to talk about you? Who is going to remember you a few years later? But if you are a mother, well then you always have work, and more importantly, you have the joy of nurturing a child who is made in God's image and likeness – a child who has an immortal soul. Think about that! To give a child love, to educate him, to bring him closer to God. The link between mother and child from the moment of conception is very deep. As women, we must treasure this gift. Many of today’s feminists look down upon that and say it's nothing.
Simone de Beauvoir, a French feminist existentialist of the last century, claimed, "Women do nothing." That's what she wrote. "Women do nothing." The tragedy is that we've swallowed this lie. We want careers, and to be independent. We don't need a husband because we can stand on our own two feet. All the while, something beautiful in God's creation – that God created Eve for Adam and Adam for Eve – is rejected, ruined.
And what is the result? Women lose their self-dignity and their respect for others. We fool around and have "fun" with another human being who, in the end, we often despise. So then we throw ourselves away to another someone. There is no giving – there is only taking and performing. And if we can't perform satisfactorily, we get dumped for someone else.
All this is tragic, because we are made for love. Every person has an immortal soul. When I walk down the street in this very, very sad and decadent world, and I meet someone that I do not know, I try to make the effort of saying, "He or she is made in God's image. Maybe it is stained, maybe it's filthy, maybe it is whatever it is, but the image is still there."
All of us are made in God's image and likeness. And because of God's image men and women are equal. Although our bodies and gifts and temperament may be different, we complement each other. This is what makes Christian marriage so beautiful. Man and woman, husband and wife, complement each other in love. It is in this union that we are made for each other because we really are made for love.marriagefamilyalive.gnbo.com.ng

Monday, January 28, 2013

7 Ways to Better Sex

Are you looking for a surefire way to better sex? There are so many factors that can affect your libido, so finding an answer may take some patience. But help is available if you seek it.

Consult the Experts

Sexuality is a complex combination of physical and psychological responses to stimuli, so you may need to enlist the help of more than one kind of health professional to help solve intimacy problems. Your doctor can determine if there are any underlying medical causes of sexual dysfunction. He or she can also direct you to other healthcare professionals who may be able to help, such as counselors or therapists.
If you're simply looking for ways to spice up your routine or boost your sexual energy level, here are seven simple ways to maximize your sexual health.
1. Live healthfully: Eat a balanced diet, get plenty of rest, and exercise regularly.
A healthy body can lead to a better sex life, so taking good care of your body is the first step. In fact, regular exercise may be one of the most important keys to healthy sexual function. Research suggests that people who exercise regularly have increased blood flow throughout their bodies, including the genital area, which may help improve sex drive. (Check out these easy exercises that make you healthy without working up a sweat.)
2. Turn off the tube. And turn on your partner! Take an active role in your evening entertainment by skipping a night of television to make time for physical intimacy. TV viewing could be getting in the way of your love life in more ways than one: Research suggests that it is associated with an increased prevalence of erectile dysfunction (ED). (Read this article for some tried-and-true ways to beat ED.)
3. Skip the music and candlelight. If it's romance you're after, try watching a heart-pumping action flick, laughing your head off at a comedy club, or even doing some aerobic exercise. Research has shown that anything that arouses rather than suppresses the nervous system -- that is, anything that hikes your heart rate and works your cardiovascular system -- can significantly enhance sexual response.
4. Pick the perfect time. It's not just a matter of making time for lovemaking; it’s also about choosing the best time. Research pinpoints the days when you are more likely to have better sex and better orgasms. One study found that some women have better, more frequent orgasms during days 6 to 10 of the menstrual cycle (day 1 is the first day of a woman's period), which may mean a more enriched experience for both partners. The exact time of day makes no difference; sex hormones are fairly consistent over the course of a day.
5. Focus on amorous olfactory. Need help relaxing? Try lavender-scented oils, sachets, and lotions to help you or your partner unwind and get in the mood. Studies suggest that the smell of lavender may increase feelings of relaxation and reduce mental stress in some people. However, certain scents inspire different reactions in different people, so experiment until you find the one that works for you.
6. Open up. Be sure to keep communication lines open. Sharing your thoughts and ideas will help you and your partner understand and respect each other's likes, dislikes, moods, and desires. It also will help provide an atmosphere conducive to problem solving. (Discover how to use patience and humor to connect with your partner.)
7. Watch your alcohol intake. One drink may loosen you up and get you in the mood for love, but too much alcohol in your bloodstream may hinder your sexual performance and response. Alcohol depresses the central nervous system, which slows down nerve impulses, hinders your coordination, and makes it difficult to get or maintain an erection or to maintain sufficient vaginal lubrication for sexual activity.
Is your sex life normal for your age? Take this quiz and find out.marriagefamilyalive.gnbo.com.ng

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs

by Dr. Juli Slattery

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Author Robert Byrne once quipped, "Anyone who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography." This humorous statement hits home with what any adult with a brain knows: Sex is very, very important to men. Research consistently shows that between 80 and 90 percent of men view sex as the most important aspect of their marriage. When asked what one thing they would like to change in their marriages, they wish that their wives would be more interested in sex and more willing to initiate physical intimacy.¹ Marriage experts Gary and Barbara Rosberg surveyed men about their sexual needs. The vast majority of men indicated that mutual pleasure and female initiation of sex were among their primary sexual needs.²
No doubt, our sexually explicit culture plays into the prominence of sex on a man's mind. He can't open the newspaper, turn on the television, surf the Net, or walk into a mall without being reminded of sexual desire. Yet long before the Internet or bikinis were invented, sexuality was an extremely powerful force in men's lives. History teaches us as much.
David and Bathsheba. Samson and Delilah. Reuben and Bilhah. Scripture is filled with references to and examples of men falling into sexual temptation. Archaeological discoveries reveal that civilizations thousands of years ago had houses of prostitution. Solomon's warnings in Proverbs and the exaltations in Song of Songs written 3,000 years ago are completely relevant today. Time and culture have changed the venues of expression, yet the power of a man's sex drive has remained a constant force of both intimacy and destruction.
Before we go too much further, let me acknowledge that you may be married to a man who falls into the 10 to 20 percent of men for whom sex isn't all-consuming. Although sex may not be as dominant a factor in your husband's life, it doesn't discount the fact that it's important. In fact, many men who avoid or minimize the impact of sex in their lives do so because of past painful experiences or because of the fear of future failure. Regardless of how often your husband thinks or talks about sex, make no mistake, it is a vital aspect of who he is as a man.

¹Patrick Morley, Understanding Your Man in the Mirror (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2001), 137.

²Gary Rosberg and Barbara Rosberg, with Ginger Kolbaba, The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2006), 81.marriagefamilyalive.gnbo.com.ng

Saturday, January 26, 2013

HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX

It is perhaps a shame that while we live in one of the most advanced cultures in the world and yet know so little about how to make each other happy in that most human of all endeavors, sex. With a few small additions to your sexual vocabulary you can break out of boredom and lead happier, more satisfying sex lives. Here we'll look at three important additions to one's sex life: position, time, and location.

SEXUAL POSITIONS

Man on Top

Everybody starts out in this so-called "missionary position": man on top, woman on the bottom, face-to-face. It's where we were when most of us lost our virginity. This position gets a lot of bad press these days because it's "old-fashioned," or perhaps because it's "patriarchal." Actually, there's nothing wrong with this position; it affords excellent support for thrusting, close intimate contact between lovers, and is an ideal position for conception. The woman may lie with her legs spread wide and to the sides, or may draw them up to her chest. In either position, the man cannot reach her vulva for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach her breasts.

A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or on the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on the floor for thrusting. For heavyset men it can reduce the weight he places upon his partner, and allows for both partners to reach their genitals. Although technically regarded as "superior" to traditional missionary position by many sex therapists, most people who actually have sex feel this position is less "intimate."

A third variant of man-on-top is one in which the woman lies on her stomach and the man penetrates her from behind. For many women, this position can stimulate the G-spot; however, it can also cause the penis to strike the cervix, causing pain. While this position has many of the disadvantages of any position where two people are not face-to-face, it is still popular with some couples.
Woman on Top

This position is highly recommended in the few "how to lose your virginity" manuals still lying around, mostly because it allows the woman to fully control the speed at which sex occurs.

There are several different positions classified as "woman on top." The most common is that she straddles his hips, taking his penis inside her, and then lies down or crouches atop him, either with her legs bent or stretched out. She may also choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up and down; this position is both visually stimulating for the man and allows him to play with her breasts freely.

Occasionally in adult movies one may see this position done with the woman facing away from her partner. While the sensations giving to both partners in this position are very different and may be very stimulating, most people feel the loss of intimacy involved is not worth the difference.
Sitting

This position is for sex in slow motion; the angles are all wrong for any sort of vigorous thrusting.

The man sits in a chair or cross-legged on the floor while the woman sits astride him, usually face-to-face although it can work equally well if she faces away. This position is good for caressing and intimacy. Some people recommend rocking chairs for this position.
Standing
Reminiscent of "quickies" and illicit sex in alleyways, standing is actually one of the more complicated positions to achieve, at least face-to-face. Insertion can be difficult; standing, the vagina is not tilted forward for easy access. Since women are on average shorter than their male partners this position may require a short footstool or convenient staircase step to make it possible. At any rate, someone may want a friendly wall to hold both of them up during this act.

Another variant of standing is similar to the third one in man- on-top; the woman faces the wall or bookcase or whatever she's using to hold herself up and the man penetrates her vagina from behind. This position is considerably easier than face-to-face standing, and many people like it for it's "naughty" or "illicit" connotations.
Side-by-Side

These positions all mirror the "on top" positions, except that the partners now lie on their sides on the bed. They can be achieved face-to-face, at an angle or from behind.

The one difficulty with this position face-to-face is that someone has to rest their leg atop their partner's (usually the man's leg is on top of the woman's lower leg); after only a few minutes of keeping still or resting in this position, the partner whose leg is below may feel cramping, pain, or a sensation that the leg is "falling asleep" due to a cut-off of the blood supply; however, many women find that if a continual rocking in-and-out movement is kept going, blood will naturally flow into the lower leg and the position can then be sustained in comfort for the duration of intercourse.

Done when the woman faces away from the man, side-by-side intercourse can be slow and relaxing; one can almost fall asleep comfortably like this. In this position, it is known as "spooning." (The term applies mostly to the act of sleeping in that position, not necessarily the act of sex.)
Rear-Entry

Although several positions already described can also be covered under the term "rear-entry" (see man-on-top and side-by-side), most people use this term to describe the position in which the woman kneels on her hands and knees while the man enters her from behind.

As shown here, the woman is braced on both hands and knees; a common variant is for the woman to crouch with her arms bent, her face turned to one side on the bed, and her butt tilted upward; this allows her to distribute her weight more evenly along her forearms, chest, knees, and shins.

Some people strongly dislike this position because of the lack of intimacy and the suggestion of male "dominance"; others like it for the freedom and strength that can be employed during the act of intercourse. The term "doggy style" has been employed to describe this position in the past, although this descriptive is inaccurate at best.

TIME

When should we have sex?
When you have sex is a decision you will start to make only after you've gotten through the initial "all the time!" stage. Eventually, though, any person will develop a habit of making love with a certain pattern. Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking that pattern can be the road to a new discovery.

If you and your partner are prone to making love only at night, try it for breakfast instead. Run home during lunch for a quickie. No time is more significant to lovemaking than any other, except that the time be good for both you and your partner.

LOCATION

Where should we have sex?
In bed, to start with. Seriously, there is no "better" place to make love than a bed. It's designed to hold people lying down; it's even designed for them to be a little rambunctious.

However, like time of day, location can become boring with repetition. Moving your sex life into a different room can be as much of a change as night and day. For starters, try the living room; most have a couch. Spread a blanket on the floor, start a fire in the fireplace if you have one, feed each other small, intimate snacks like grapes and champagne, and enjoy. A quickie on the kitchen floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal) can be fun as well.

What about the shower?
The shower, as well as the swimming pool, have their disadvantages. For one thing, lubricant doesn't last very long in environments of such overwhelming volumes of water. For another, usually the only position available is standing, with all of the attendant problems of differences in height. Another common problem is that the floor of most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on it! However, it's frequently the only place other than the bedroom where both of you are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially in winter. Don't let all the "problems" listed here stop you from trying out what could become one of your favorite places to make love.

And outdoors?
Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards. Many people feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature; others feel it is more illicit, "in full view of the whole sky." If you're going to have sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time to bring a blanket. Avoid using bug spray and sun block until afterwards-- both taste awful. On the other hand, sunburns on your genitals can be excruciating; take care.
Caveat lover...
Having sex in strange places is a turn-on for many. How strange a place you want to make love is a matter of some concern of course, since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in full view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary. Getting arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the attention of your employer as well. Plan any such dalliances in advance and scope out your intended rendezvous point for possible problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if necessary. And whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash can; stopping litter isn't just good citizenship, here's it's a matter of sheer good taste.

Elf Sternberg