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Monday, May 26, 2014

The Economy of Sex

Guys, tell me this has never happened to you.
You’re home with your wife - and The Mood strikes. Things are progressing, but then something happens and The Mood is gone.
You fight to bring it back but your wife is not interested. Nothing you say or do will bring the magic back. For tonight, for now, the prospect of having sex is gone.
Why does this happen? Because sex is powerful and women have the power.
 Let me explain.
It may seem a bit caveman-ish but human sexuality, like many things between people, is a matter of economics: how humans create fair exchange.
Universally, a man approaches the woman and it’s the woman’s decision to give the red, yellow or green light. Women are the ones who determine the cost of a sexual encounter - to get the green light, men must give up something in return the woman deems valuable.
Whether the payment honors a woman through security and love, or does not honor her through money or power, sex always comes at a cost.
That is what concerns me the most when it comes to Miley Cyrus performance at the MTV Music Awards. The price set for sex was slashed like a store going out of business. Not only was it slashed, but it was slashed in the spotlight of national TV.
The consequences of a low price for sex perpetuates the cycle of injustice against women. When the price is low, men win. We get what we want at a price that doesn’t cause us to make any sacrifices. We get sex without commitment, without honor, and without love. Of course, that’s what women get too: sex without commitment, honor and love.
Men need to fight for a high price to pay for sex.
When the price of sex is high - when the price costs men something - everyone wins. Women win a man who is motivated to work and lead. They get a better man. Men win a woman who is confident and secure. They get a better woman.
My friend Glenn Stanton recently said in a lecture series to employees at Focus on the Family, “Men who take sex by physical power are seen as the same in all cultures. In no culture are they idealized by either male or female. They are socially deplored and punished.”
Very little attention has been given to Robin Thicke and his role in Miley’s performance. As a man, shouldn’t he be held just as responsible for lowering (or maybe taking the low) price for sex? A man just doesn’t do those kinds of things even when a woman seems okay with it.
Stanton continues, “In every culture, sex is either granted by the woman, or taken by the male. This is humankind’s most important and consequential negotiation.”
When men value women, sexuality, and marriage, everyone wins.
That's something to get twerked up about.

Sam Hoover
(@sam_hoover) is a contributor for Dad Matters and a Digital Communications Strategist for Focus on the Family.