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Friday, December 30, 2011

Do You Know the Benefits of Kissing...

1.       It wіll υѕе 29 facial muscles during kissing. In οthеr words, kissing іѕ аn effective way tο prevent wrinkles іn motion.
2.       Whеn lovers kiss, thе saliva exchanged contains a variety οf ingredients such аѕ fаt, minerals, protein, etc. According tο thе latest research, thе exchange οf thеѕе substances саn enhance thе production οf antibodies, whісh emerge specifically іn thе face οf different disease antigens.
3.       Aѕ a rule, 66% οf people close thеіr eyes whеn kissing. Others lіkе tο watch thе changes οf thеіr partner’s expressions οn thе face whеn kissing.
4.       According tο U.S. statistics, American women wουld kiss 80 men before marriage іn average.
5.       A qυісk gentle kiss саn consume 2-3 calories, whіlе French kiss wіll consume аt lеаѕt five calories.
6.       Thе sensitivity οf thе fingers іѕ 200 times аѕ sensitive аѕ thе lips.
7.       Thе men whο kiss goodbye wіth thеіr wives before leaving home саn live 5 years longer thаn those whο close thе door аnd leave directly. Thе latter іѕ more prone tο car accidents.
8.       A 90-second French kiss wіll raise blood pressure аnd accelerate pulses. Thе hormones іn thе blood wіll аlѕο increase, whісh саn cause life shortened bу one minute.
9.       French kiss іn French іѕ called “soul moment”. Nοt οnlу thе lips work, thе tongue іѕ аlѕο indispensable. Thе passional French people аlѕο invented a variant οf thе soul kiss, οnlу thе tongue works.
10.   In contrast wіth common opinions, thе Eskimos express lονе nοt οnlу wіth rubbing noses each οthеr. Whеn thеіr noses meet, thеіr lips wіll slightly open. Eskimos wουld thеn take a deep breath аnd transport thіѕ tone wіth closed mouth. Aftеr feeling each οthеr’s breath, thеу wіll rub each οthеr’s cheek wіth thеіr nose fοr ѕοmе time.
11.   Kissing wіll produce a substance, thе anesthetic effect οf whісh іѕ 200 times stronger thаn thаt οf morphine. Thіѕ іѕ whу whеn people kiss, thеу wіll hаνе a kind οf floating feeling οf happiness.
12.   Kissing саn hеlр women relax аnd relieve discomfort caused bу stress.
13.   On average, people spend 20,160 minutes kissing іn thеіr lifetime, whісh іѕ аbουt two weeks.
14.   Kissing a minute саn consume 26 calories.
15.   On thіѕ earth, thеrе wіll bе a person having a first kiss before thе age οf 14 іn еνеrу two people.

Keep Family Traditions Alive

Each family , big or small, loud or quiet, has its own traditions that are followed more or less unchanged for a long period of time. Keeping these family traditions alive is not only the responsibility of the parents, but also the grandparents, the uncles and aunts, the family friends and in most cases, the responsibility of children. Whether you consider a family tradition to be the annual family vacations to that special place you visit every year, the Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas presents and birthday parties, the fact remains that families come closer and share the memories of past rituals performed to honor everyone.

When children are still young, so too are parents, family traditions seem to be more sentimental and involve a lot of playing around. As kids get older and parents as well, families try to keep their traditions alive by reaching mutual agreements among the family members. The son that wants to go to a football match and escape the tradition of having to sit down, like every other Sunday, with his whole ten-member family for dinner, can cause some trouble when allowed not to be present often. Keeping the tradition is thus not only the responsibility of the parents in a family, as people seem to believe, but also that of children who will at some point create their own traditions and strive to keep them alive in their own families. Understanding the importance of spending those precious moments with your parents or with your children, will lead you to cherish the instances you had a chance to speak through your actions.

As kids enter college, or even graduate school, traditions fall apart. Some deny this fact by supporting that exactly because children spend less time with their folks they feel the need to do so and use those family traditions as an excuse to visit the house they grew up in. Whichever the case may be, the fact remains that families need those times together and family bonds do develop. Although in many cases these are greatly different from the past, bonds exist because of the family traditions still exist.

Thus, it is imperative for a family to find the right time in order to celebrate the fact that family is what you love most in the world. As a kid your family was the world you knew. As an adult, your family is the world you feel safe in. Cherish and keep these family traditions alive by doing what you used to do as a kid. Remember and if you are given the chance help your mother bake cookies, rap presents and put them under the Christmas tree, set up the Thanksgiving dinner, buy the cake your brother or sister will blow the birthday candles on. Do whatever it takes. These are some of the most precious moments you can share with your beloved ones. Do not forget or let them vanish.
Source: Free Articles

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Some Ideas On How To Have A Happy Marriage

Having a happy marriage isn?t automatic and it doesn?t necessarily come easily just because you love each other. While being in love is very important in a marriage sometimes it just isn?t enough and you have to work at your marriage just like any other relationship. Open communication and careful consideration of each others feelings are two of the emotional aspects that are keys to a happy marriage. Even more ordinary details such a household responsibilities and financial understanding can factor into the state of the marriage. It is crucial to understand that a marriage is a multi-faceted relationship that needs to be nurtured in all of its capacities in order to be successful and lasting as it was meant to be.

Both parties being willing to make sacrifices is one secret to a happier marriage. Both partners in the marriage must be prepared to put their partner?s happiness ahead of their own from time to time for the marriage to truly work. If either partner is completely self centered and unwilling to make sacrifices it will create resentment in the marriage. At times the sacrifices may be big but most often it?s the smaller things that matter most. Even preparing a dish that you don?t like but that you know your spouse likes lets your partner know that you care and are willing to put their happiness first at times. The bottom line is that is both partners are looking out for the other then things will work perfectly.

While making sacrifices is important in a marriage,it is also important to sometimes do things that are just for you, and that isn?t being selfish. It?s great to have a lot of common interests but it?s also essential to have some things that you enjoy doing on your own. Having some separate activities gives you a little time away from your partner once in awhile and gives you a chance realize how much you miss them when you are apart. It also gives you an opportunity to explore things on your own and prevents boredom in the relationship. This is another thing that is crucial to the survival of a marriage; you have to have your own life as well.

Another secret to a having a better marriage is to maintain an intimate and affectionate relationship. Sharing physical closeness will keep your marriage happy. Even small gestures such as hugs or holding hands give you the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse on a daily basis. On a more intimate note, if you are a woman go buy a sexy lingerie item to show your man that you want him. If you are a man, buy a nice lingerie item for your wife to show her that she is desirable to you.
Source: Free Articles

My Cheating Spouse Makes False Promises 5 Tips on How to Resolve the Situation

When you find out that your spouse has been cheating on you, it is one of the most disheartening feelings a person can experience. It is especially devastating when you learn that your spouse has actually been cheating with multiple persons or with the same person over a period of time.
Marital infidelity is one of those things that can ruin the sacred bond of trust that exists within a marriage. When a spouse cheats, it is one of the most profound ways that they can disrespect their partner.

It is particularly hard if you have caught your spouse one or more times either directly or through irrefutable evidence that shows they have not been faithful to you. You may have even approached your spouse about what you have found out, only to learn that they are still making false promises to you about stopping their cheating ways.

If you are saying to yourself, My cheating spouse makes false promises, here are 5 tips on how to resolve the situation:

1. Journal to yourself how you feel about the situation:
For most people who have been cheated on by their spouses, their thoughts and feelings on the topic are very strong but also very jumbled. This is likely the case because an affair brings up a lot of emotions at once, including anger, inadequacy, frustration, jealousy, and sadness.

To help clear your head, start a journal about what you are feeling right now. You do NOT need to be a good writer in order to do this. Just write down whatever comes to mind. You could write it to your spouse or just to yourself. You never have to show it to anyone, but going through this exercise can help you sort everything out.

2. Decide what you need out of the marriage:
Next, re examine what you used to want out of your marriage as well as what you want now. What needs do you have and how does your spouse currently fit into the picture in terms of fulfilling those needs?

3. Determine whether you want to stay in the marriage at all:
Be honest with yourself while asking what you want out of this marriage. After all of this, do you still want to stay with your spouse?

4. Confront your spouse with the choice they need to make:
Next, it is time to really confront your spouse. Set aside a special time and place and bring up the topic of your spouse s cheating. Remind him or her that they have made false promises to you in the past about stopping their cheating. Let your spouse know that the cheating has to stop once and for all or they will risk losing you for good. Note: you have to really mean this in order for it to be effective.

5. If your spouse comes clean, put together a plan for overcoming the affair:
When and if you feel that your spouse has come to terms with what they have done and is ready to change for the better, commit to each other to putting together a plan for overcoming the affair and rebuilding the love and trust between you.

Consider these 5 tips for how to overcome the affair and find the love again, together. Author Resource:- Find tools and techniques needed to survive an affair that were designed by an expert who has helped over 10,000 couples do the same at: http://www.affairsurvivalbible.com We Can Survive The Affair

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Starting Your Own Holiday and Christmas Traditions with Your Family

When you think back on your childhood, do you recall family Christmas traditions that each year your family participated in? Maybe you all gathered to decorate the Christmas tree together.

On the other hand, maybe you all went out for dinner and then sang Christmas carols to those in the hospital. No matter what you did as a child, you likely look back on the memories with a smile on your face.

As you grow however and have a family of your own, you may start longing to start some holiday and Christmas traditions yourself. Sure, you may want to keep some that you grew up participating in, but there also may be some of your childhood family traditions that you would rather skip right over.

The great thing about having a family of your own is that you can create your own family traditions for the holidays. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Everyone can benefit!

The reason holiday traditions are so important for a family is because they build strong bonds. The holidays are times when stress is at all-time peaks. The truth is that most families are rushing from store to store trying to purchase things and getting stressed out the whole time.

Then everyone comes home exhausted and cranky. This can be difficult to deal with. Instead of making this Christmas all about gifts, why not make it about being together and bonding.

The best way to start family holiday traditions is to gather everyone in the house and have a meeting. Ask everyone to suggest one thing the whole family can do together. Your children might want to help make cookies or your spouse might want to snuggle on the couch for a holiday movie.

No matter what they suggest, try them! If everyone has a great time, you can remember to do the same thing each year, therefore creating a family tradition. Of course, if one activity doesn't quite pan out as planned, you can always choose to drop that one and find another. That is how the process goes.

As you repeat your new family holiday and Christmas traditions each year, you will be establishing a family routine that only your family takes part in. It creates a strong bond within your family and will create memories that will last forever!

So, be sure to take the time this year to plan some new holiday traditions for you and your family to try. It can be a lot of fun and help you relax and laugh during the holidays. Remember, even if it is just you and your spouse, you can create family traditions that you might share with your future children one day!
Source: Free Articles

Monday, December 26, 2011

Family Feuds - Are Your In-Laws Causing A Problem?

In the world today hostility is present everywhere. The one place that it can easily be deterred is in the family.

In a family, everyone is has different ideas and views on different topics. Even though you are related, it does not mean that you think alike or share the same opinions. In a family that has strong wills, this can often lead to a family feud.

Co-Existing with In-Laws

Throughout the decades, in-law jokes have been made millions of times. But when you stop and think about, they had to have come from somewhere. Often in-laws feel that their children could have had a better life and that the son or daughter-in-law is not worthy.

The in-laws will express their opinion openly no matter whom it hurts. This can lead to resentment and eventually a family feud.

Studies have indicated that more than half of married couples have problems with their in-laws that are never solved. They harbor ill will toward each other and often have disagreements quite often.

The son or daughter is usually dragged into it, being forced to choose between spouse and parent. This type of family fight can be the worst of all because it is totally preventable.

It is usually the in-law that causes the family disputes because, on a subconscious level, they do not want to let go of their child. The feud can last a long time and cause great hardship.

Avoiding Family Feuds

There are instances where a family battle is unavoidable. But, for the most part, exercising a little self-control and discipline can avoid any type of confrontation. You are responsible for your own actions.

You cannot please everyone. It is pointless to even try. People will disagree with you and sometimes criticize things that you say and do. It is up to you to bite your tongue and be the bigger person.

If you do not give in and show a reaction, soon, they will stop trying to get one. In the end you will end up gaining the respect of people you thought you could not get respect from.

Family feuds are unhealthy for a number of reasons. When you resolve any problems that you may have, you will feel better, less stressed and even sleep better. If you have the type of family that cannot be together without fighting, it is wise to limit family get togethers to the holidays.

Summary:

Family feuds are hard on everyone. Life is too short to spend your time hating your family. Everyone has a different opinion and in a strong, independent atmosphere, those opinions should be respected. If you have children, then set a good example for them and teach them how to respect others by the actions you take.
Source: Free Articles

Family - The Basic Social Unit

Family is the basic social unit. Family represents people living together by ties of marriage, blood or adaptation, thus representing a single household. According to sociology, the family has the primary function of reproducing society; biologically, socially, or both. There are various structures of a family based on the relationship shared between the parent and the children. The different types of family are patrifocal, where the family consists of a father and his child; matrifocal, where the family consists of a mother and her child. Consanguineal family is one which consists of the mother, the child and other people, mainly belonging to the family of the mother. The conjugal family consists of one or more mothers and their children, with other people and one or more spouses.

The parent-child relationship varies due to different cultures. One of the prominent forms is the nuclear family. It consists of the marital pair living with their offspring separately. The joint family is an extension of the nuclear family. Joint family occurs when children of one sex live at their parents' house. In a joint family, the children bring along their spouse to live with them at their parents' house after marriage. A joint family usually consists of an older man and his wife, his sons and unmarried daughters, his sons' wives and children. Members of a joint family share all the task of trade, food gathering and preparation and child rearing.

Children who share one parent but not another are called "half-brothers" or "half-sisters". Children who do not share parents, but whose parents are married, are called "step-brothers" or "step-sisters". Similarly, if a person is married to the parent of a child, but is not the parent of the child themselves; they are called "stepfather" or "stepmother".

A complex family involves more than two adults. It refers to any extended family or to polygamy of any type. A joint family is also known as a complex family. The parents and their children in a joint family live together under a single roof. In a joint family setup, the womenfolk are often housewives and cook for the entire family. The patriarch of the family is usually the oldest male member, who lays down the rules of the family. This kind of setup is fast eroding in many parts of the world. Almost all the urban families are switching over to the nuclear family society.
Source: Free Articles

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Can a Cheap e-Book Save a Marriage?

All around the world there are couples who are in a failing marriage due to one reason or another. Some of them struggle on against the odds without any outside professional help until the inevitable happens. The marriage is over.

Why do some people avoid marriage counseling?

A partner in a troubled marriage may be nervous about seeking professional help possibly because they find it embarrassing to talk about their personal problems to a stranger, no matter how experienced and sympathetic that stranger might be. It is not easy for some people to discuss their innermost fears and failings even to a professional marriage counselor.Also, one partner may feel that their marriage is in trouble but their spouse does not seem to notice the danger signs and acts as if everything is fine. This can make it very difficult to bring up the subject without causing more conflict between the couple.

Is there an alternative to marriage counseling?

Because of this fear, thousands of people with marriage problems have turned to self-help marriage guidance book or courses, many of which have been written by experienced marriage counselors and relationship experts. Their years of experience with counseling couples with marriage problems have been distilled into books packed with expert advice and techniques.You can find lots of these marriage-saving guides on the Internet as a low-cost downloadable e-book, on audio tape or even as a multimedia product on DVD. Some even offer extra free bonus books and further support if requested. The techniques outlined in these books can be used by one willing partner on his/her own to change and improve their marriage.

Do self-help marriage guidance books really work?

The answer is very often YES; if you are willing to follow the techniques outlined in them and are determined to save your marriage. Many testimonials have been given by satisfied customers about the effectiveness of some of these marriage-saving guides and how their marriage has been saved by following the advice given in them. A word of caution though: If you think just by reading one of these books that your marriage will be miraculously saved without any effort on your part then the answer must be a resounding NO.

These books are, after all, marriage guidance books which show you how to fix a broken marriage; much like a DIY book shows you how to fix a broken fence. They will give you step-by-step guidance but you must do the actual repairs yourself. Along with the information in the book, the only tools you will need to mend a broken marriage is your own heart and willingness which you should possess already. If you don’t have these essential tools then no book on earth can save your marriage.

Conclusion:

These marriage guidance books may not be the answer for everyone with marriage problems but they are generally inexpensive and most come with a no-quibble money-back guarantee if they don’t work for you. They have helped thousands of people to save their marriages and if you are having marriage problems they may be just what you are looking for.
Source: Free Articles

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Different Aspects Needed to Make a Marriage Work

Over time, it takes a great deal of work in order to make the marriage work out. There are certain aspects of your marriage that you should focus on if you want the highest chance of making it. If you're interested in learning about some of these different aspects, then make sure that you keep reading.

Couples with a successful marriage tend to have excellent communication skills. Communication is important for letting the other know how you're feeling about various things. Couples should try their best to be honest and open with each other.

Another important aspect of successful marriages is trust. Partners that don't trust each other will certainly have their hands full trying to make things work out. It will be very difficult to get the trust back fully once it has been broken for some reason.

One of the next things that is very important to a good marriage is a true commitment. They have to be willing to work together through difficult times. If you truly want your marriage to work out, then divorce should never be an option.

All marriages will have a few problems every now and then. It is very important that you work through these problems properly. Marriages succeed when both partners are willing to compromise with each other. Don't expect to have your way every time, or you will be sorry in the future once resentment kicks in.

Anyone who wants their marriage to succeed will need to ensure that intimacy is always there. Couples need to stay in physical contact with each other. If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, then you'll certainly in for a tough road ahead.

Sex isn't the only form of intimate contact that you should be interested in. You don't necessarily have to have sex with your spouse just to have intimate contact. Hugging and kissing also fits in this category. Whenever you wake up in the morning or just before one of you leave the house, give each other a quick hug and kiss.

Spending quality time with each other is also very important. It may be a little difficult depending on your work schedule and if you have children to take care of. However, it is vital that you make time to spend with each other whatever way that you can. Hire a babysitter if you have to so you can both spend a night out on the town together.

Making a marriage work takes a lot of effort. You need to be willing to invest a lot of effort into making things work if you want to stay together for a lifetime.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Different Types of Relationships

There are many different types of relationships. Relationships affect our lives in many different ways every day.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are the type that people most often think of when they think about relationships. Boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses make up the many types of romantic relationships. These relationships involve lots of hormones and emotions and can often end badly if the relationship does not work out. They can be very stressful as one person tries to please the other but they can be very fulfilling as people are filled with love for each other. A romantic relationship can make you feel very complete.

Friendly Relationships

Friendly relationships may include those between our friends, peers, fellow workers, and other acquaintances. These relationships are a very important aspect of your life even if you do not realize it. The company you keep say something about you and the people you are around every day have an impact on the type of person you are and how you feel about thins. These can be very important relationships. Some people depend on these friendly relationships more than others but we are all affected by them in some way.

Family Relationships

Family relationships are those that involve people related to you. This can be the people who live in your household and your immediately family and also your distant relatives. There are bonds between a mother and her children and between a father and children and between siblings. There are some relationships between cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and all distant family members. These family relationships can also have a big impact on who you are as a person. Some people are very close with many members of their family. Some people have weaker family relationships and this can affect them in different ways.

Family Feud - Who Can Get Affected?

Arguments and disagreements happen in everyone's family. A family feud is when arguments and disagreements get out of hand and are blown way out of proportion and the rest of the family is dragged into the argument.

Most of the time, what started the feud can be rectified before the entire family is drawn in, causing anger and resentment and it is passed down to the next generation.

A misunderstanding between family members that are too stubborn or pigheaded to admit they were wrong and apologize, usually causes a feud.

They simply let the disagreement fester and, after a while, it starts to cause resentment. Soon afterwards, the fighting and feuding starts to get ugly. The parties' involved start to lash out at everyone and the fighting continues.

All to often, the family member who are feuding ask for the opinion of other family members. This is what draws the rest of the family into the feud. A family feud can divide an otherwise happy family into bitter enemies. It only takes two people to start a family feud.

One of the harshest realities of family fights is that the children suffer for it the most. They do not understand how the feud originated and are raised in an atmosphere of intense anger and, sometimes, even hate. This can have a detrimental affect on them. It can stunt their development and affect their ability to feel any other emotion besides aggression.

Perhaps the worst part of a family dispute is that all of these negative emotions can be completely avoided by simply sitting down and calmly discussing what caused the rift to begin with. If you have kindness and compassion and a level head, you will never have a family feud.

Once a family battle has been started, it can be difficult to end. Both sides feel that they are right and sometimes making amends takes time.

It is important to get everything out in the open, discuss the problem without shouting and fighting. Self-discipline will be crucial. Leave those who were drawn into the feud out of the discussions, sometimes they can just add fuel to the fire.

There are times when the feuding parties cannot resolve their differences on their own. This is when a mediator will be very helpful. A mediator is a non-involved party that can listen to both sides and come up with a solution that is acceptable by both parties. Sometimes this can take a long time because there is so much animosity between the parties. Most of the time the parties want to resolve their problems, but are too stubborn to do so.

Summary:

Family feuds often cause pain and confusion for the younger members. It is healthy to argue once in a while, but holding a grudge is not. Always settle your disagreements before they become out of control and affect every member of your family.
Source: Free Articles

Sunday, December 18, 2011

How to Avoid Conflicts in Your Marriage

No matter how happy a married couple looks like, their marriage is not without occasional conflicts. Having conflicts in marriage life is normal. It is brought about by the natural differences of the couple. However, if the gravity and frequency of conflicts inside a marriage keeps on elevating to new heights, the risk of destroying the marriage is always there.

Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.

-Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.

-Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.

-Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.

However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.

-Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.

-Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.

Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.

How to plan a summer wedding celebration

It is commonly agreed that May through August is the greatest season to hold a wedding ceremony when the woman can style in a light summer wedding dress. And the reality is, a great number of couples prefer to throw their wedding ceremonies during this period, and for good reason. The warm sunshine and nice weather make it possible for to have fun with an outdoor wedding ceremony filled with natural flavor everywhere—even the blossoms seem to smell best in an outdoor wedding. Whether you plan to take your wedding ceremony on a beach, in a backyard, in a boat, or in a garden, you can fully take advantage of this season to make yourself a hilarious and unforgettable wedding. This article will discuss on some tips about ways to plan a summer wedding.
First, go for a preferred place with your beloved. You can go for an interesting by-water wedding, a classic garden wedding, a special backyard wedding, or any other location where you two met with each other. It all depends on your preference. Remember to decide on the scenery with your man. After all, the wedding is held both of you, not just the bride. Moreover, deciding together is the initial try to harmonize your relationship in your future marriage.
Second, pick a light fabric wholesale wedding dress that makes you look lovely and feel comfortable. As a result of the wonderful weather, you no more need to dress up in a thick fabric wedding dress that may probably cause various hassles annoying you during the entire wedding, not to mention to savor the happiness. A light summer wedding gown is usually quite like ordinary dresses, enabling you to style in it comfortably and casually. Lots of summer wedding dresses feature airy shapes and soft fabrics and women can intensively enjoy the celebration by the sea or in the sand dressed in such gowns.
Third, design a summer wedding menu that is able to evoke the attendees’ desire for eating. Fill the most fresh vegetables and fruits to your wedding menu. For example, cherries, pineapples, spinach, etc. Plus, bear in mind to include seafood, the best food for the summertime season, in your food list. Seafood, especially lobster and oyster, is a great dish for any type of formal menu and most budget-friendly in summer. So seafood ought to be a smart choice to upgrade your wedding food list. For an informal summer wedding, a barbecue or picnic menu will be perfect! Whatever menu you choose, always consider the guests’ particular needs. For example, some of your guests may be vegetarians and you must plan some vegetarian food for their choices

Real Vital Counsel Regarding How to Save your Marriage

If you and your spouse are having problems, it's absolutely important that you find ways on how you can solve them. This will not only help you bring those sweet memories back, it will even make your relationship stronger. Learn how you can save your marriage by considering the following tips on how to save a marriage.

The countless problems that married couples face are really overwhelming. They have to take care of the kids, bills and think about work and several other things. Over time, most of them grow tired of taking care of each other. As a result, they start growing apart making them feel they don't know each other anymore. They don't feel in love with each other any longer.

As you probably know, love is important for any marriage to work. It's the foundation of your relationship. If a marriage is purely based on convenience, the relationship will not last especially when love is gone. In order for you to learn how to save a marriage, you must know that love is the answer to your problem. Loving your spouse is the perfect way to start saving your relationship.

Knowing how to save a marriage can be tricky. However, if you really come to think of, it's quite easy to save your relationship if you know what you lack in it. Keep in mind that love is important in your marriage. When love isn't there, bring it back as it is the solution to your marital problem. If you love your partner, you'll try to do everything to make your relationship last. Part of showing that love is you not trying to change who your spouse is. Instead, try to fit in with your partner.

You have to accept the truth that there are things and ideas that both you and your partner won't agree about. The two of you won't always think see things the same exact way. If you do not agree with your partner's decisions and opinions, make sure that you respect them.

Listen carefully to what your partner is saying. Try to let your spouse know how you feel or share what your thoughts about your arguments or concerns are in a calm and respectful manner. Do not scream or yell at your partner if you have disagreements. And, keep in mind that playing the blame game will not do you any good.

Couples get bogged down just trying to solve numerous problems. It's crucial you realize that the problems that are shared can really be sorted out when you are together. If you use effective and constructive communication, you can definitely come up with mutual solutions to your problems.

Also, don't ever stop extending common courtesies for one another. Keep all those small surprises coming too. Organize exciting activities that both of you will enjoy. Instead of becoming selfish and impatient because of your problems and hectic schedules, express love and affection through hugs and kisses. Keep the spark alive by being intimate with one another and fulfilling each other's needs and desires.

These are a few tips that you can consider if you want to learn how to save a marriage. It is absolutely important that you listen to your partner with all your mind and heart. This will help you solve your marital issues and at the same time bring the sweet and blissful memories back.

Friday, December 16, 2011

HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE


Marriage can be full of elation, however it can also be full of pain. It seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back, for some partners. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. as it comes to how to save a marriage, there are a pile of things you can do to start getting your marriage back on track. but you have to be ready to look at yourself and put together the necessary modifications. Change isn't easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.

One question to ask is, "What are you bringing to the relationship?"

As a high priority you need to do when it comes to how to save a marriage is to make a list of what you are really supplying to the relationship. This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.

Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad? Are you repetitively nit-picking at your partner's short-comings? Do you recall if you express heartfelt appreciation regularly that your mate is in your life, or for the marvelous things your helpmate does for you? Are you supportive? Do you listen when your spouse needs to talk about something that is annoying him or her? null

null You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account. If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will ultimately run dry. You should be making plenty of deposits also, if you are realizing save your marriage is imperative to you.

Why not ask yourself, "Is your bond a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?"

Some people don't know how to be in a relationship without trying to manipulate it. If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly egotistical, you are also treating your spouse with irreverence. null

A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one spouse calls all the shots and expects the other to "obey". null Your mate is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always fall in with yours. Compromise is central to a healthy matrimony. Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards forming a healthier, more loving marriage.

Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?

While controlling behavior is very calamitous to a marriage, passive-aggressive behavior is as well. Time and again, folks who are passive-aggressive endeavor to get their needs met in excessively dangerous ways. Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which indistinctly or not so indistinctly challenges it, usually in an endeavor to get back at the other person.

Take for example, a passive-aggressive wife could tell her husband its okay if he wants to spend the day playing golf with his pals. But, in actuality she is none too pleased about it all and determines to get at him by "mistakenly" dropping a new red shirt in the wash with his white underwear as she does laundry that day. As you can see, this is also noxious to a relationship and impedes the goal of how to save a marriage.

If you are concerned about your marriage, here are just a handful of questions to ask yourself. The only person you can adjust is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must get going with making changes in how you interact with your spouse. Try making positive modifications, because you will likely see that your helpmate does too.

Divorce should be used as a last resort by the spouse to end their marriage. Save My Marriage it will provide you with quality content which will enable you to protect your married life from falling apart.

Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It

1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me do it” skit?
2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.
3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need ‘love 101’ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.
4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working. I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.
5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me. I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.
Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.
The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with themBusiness Management Articles, go to: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Effective to Perform well Advice to Save Your current Relationships With out Fail

In fact for probably the most seasoned of men in terms of relationships, when issues pick up critically and disputes commence to happen, guys need relationship advice. Romance assistance for guys is necessary specifically any time a gentleman is inside a dedicated relationship or marital life. It need to be regarded that dating is fairly several from spreading a roof having a woman.

What sort of relationship tips for guys really should be thought of in order to thrive?

A lot of guys flip a deaf ear to connection assistance for males and depart 'fixing' of associations to their females. Males may at times simply look for assistance when issues start off heading south and in many situations it proves to be as well late. So that you can preserve the flare burning up in your relationship, you may need to take the following into account.

She isn't 1 of your douleur buddies - this romance suggestions for men, falls very first in its course. As men, it is possible to hang out together with your man buddies and merely enjoy the sport with no ever before declaring a phrase to every single other and you will all be alright with that. On the other hand females appreciate becoming recognized and spoken with often by their guys. Even when you do not have something to imply, a relatively easy "You look amazing at present!" is likely to make your current woman's day. Ladies reside and relish talking and it is your duty as her gentleman to contribute.

Girls understand intimacy in a different way - To many males, intimacy is sex and this can be an immense turn off and annoyance to ladies. Important things that seem like 'time wasting' to males could imply the planet to ladies. Examples comprise snuggling, keeping her palms, hug and also smooches and so on. Calling to convey "I appreciate you" or writing comments over a woman's dressing can make her really feel exceptional and loved. Continual contact with females creates a more powerful relationship which endures lengthier even though intercourse is not inside the situation. Most women will live to recall an unique date than the usual evening of passion.

Women communicate in different ways - Most obtainable sources on relationships focus on effective communication among couples. How very well you talk being a few sets a robust basis for the relationship. The moment communication reduces, the connection is went for that rocks. Guys must appreciate that girls like showing their emotions as a result of speaking about them even if they've no alternative at hand. Males on the other hand favor talking much less and hunting for options and this can make stunning a communication stability elusive. To sum up guys will need to learn to hear to their ladies and keep clear of brushing them off as 'non-stop talkers'.

Be a guy of words and steps - females thrive on compliments, and most romance guidance for males will speak about this. Guys are even more action oriented rather than girls but women also have to have steps every so often. Telling your lady you love her and buying a box of chocolates to prove it will seal the offer. When you are enduring complications as part of your connection, or are recovering from a break up; combining phrases and actions will guide recover it speedily. Using motion doesn't indicate buying gifts on your own but other enchanting gestures at the same time.

It goes without the need of saying the important thing partnership advice for guys is taking time for you to research and recognize the big differences between ladies and men and methods to bridge them. In the event you can't get the function performed by yourself, it's no shame to look for specialist enable from an a bonded relationship or partnership therapist about strategies to make your married life or connection along with your lady much better. Exactly where doable, ask you woman to educate you a thing or two about women and what they need from men. You might be puzzled from the response. Author Resource:- There is more to think about if you happen to critical to preserve your romance. For instance, do you might have concern with your sexual existence? If so, it might harmful your relationships. Get douleur enhancement like Zenerex to help you cost-free in the issue. Verify out much more about Zenerex by going to this webpage: http://zenerexinfo.com/

HOW YOU CAN ATTRACT GIRLS.

The way to attract women appears to become a difficult thing to complete, but really it's not.

Most men accept the reality that attracting gorgeous girls is not for everybody. But I'm here to tell you, it's not true. Every man is capable of attracting females or perhaps a girl of his selection and be prosperous in pursuing her.

What do you assume those males who're attracting females into them naturally?

Do these men possessed an exceptional or super-natural power on attracting lovely ladies?

Appears to become that they may be a magnet for girls. Let me tell you, females sees some thing in them that they didn't see in you. I was certainly one of those guys who feel rejected and believe that I do not have the capability to attract beautiful women.

The approach is so very simple that when I started making use of it myself, it was entirely astonishing. You don't want any schooling or perhaps a profession in psychology to be able to use the strategy. When I was 1st did it, it seriously surprised me, that even those wonderful girls I was afraid of approaching ahead of, I am now approaching them naturally with confidence, just like any other people today. And also the response on girls is so great, that I was wondering why I am not making use of the strategy long before.

So, How you can Attract Ladies Efficiently?

BE Oneself!

Ladies loves males that are true to themselves and this really is what females want from males. Women appreciate getting using a guy that's genuine.

Girls do not like men that are feeling nervous, they're able to easily detect it by way of your breathing, the reaction of the face and the body language.

Feel all-natural and be your self. Maintain the conversation alive and make them laugh.

One a further secret I wish to share here is, if you have to create a good sense of humor... undoubtedly, women will love you. Girls loves guys who are excellent conversationalist. They do not like a dull conversation, they wish to be pleased whilst in conversation with guys.

A Word Of Caution: Do it, if you want to see results. By merely reading it and hoping that women will fall in appreciate with you naturally, will not get you any further.

Being yourself is among the most important characteristics you ought to have, this may create self-confidence and females see that in you. Making them like you naturally and love you for who you might be.

Any time you are out and approaching ladies an important factor to recall is; make her feel comfy.

In any scenario where you will be meeting someone for the first time and getting an initial conversation there's anxiety and nervousness on both ends. Should you can make her really feel comfortable it is going to do two items.

1. She will get started to open up and let you know about issues that she may possibly not tell others.

2. It makes it seem as although you talk to ladies all of the time, it shows confidence too. There is absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

Even so to ladies your capacity to converse is huge. Females are not fickle like some men that only date girls with big breasts.

Instead females are a great deal extra concerned with receiving to understand somebody and they decide on the partners additional based on personality. So this very first conversation will usually make or break an attraction.

Tips on how to Make Her Really feel Comfy

You will discover a couple issues I make an effort to do here.

1. Genuinely show interest in what she is talking about. Be it; loved ones, friends, school, perform, travel, whatever.

2. Ask adhere to up questions. This implies if she tells you she has two sisters ask exactly where they live, what they do, are they married.

3. Smile and Eye Contact, do this through the conversation. If there is certainly the attraction you could usually tell just by looking her inside the eyes and smiling.

4. Answer your own conversation topics and tell funny stories or stories which can be complimentary to you.

So as not to make this to begin with conversation feel like an interview it is best to answer your own concerns. By way of example when you asked about her about her family then it is best to tell her about your loved ones.

Having said that if you can make her feel comfortable once you speak, this often equals attraction.
To learn much more about the best way to choose up girls or to understand how you can flirt with ladies. You could also sign up for my free newsletter and get a free of charge report - The 7 Deadly Sins 97% Males Make And The best way to Avoid Them. Author Resource:- You want to know much more about how to attract women? Take a look at details at http://www.attractthefemale.com/

Friday, December 9, 2011

Do You Have Enough Time For A Good Marriage?

Let me ask you...do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD be spending on your marriage?
A happy, healthy marriage requires that time is spent WITH each other, ON each other and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things they consider (at the time) to be a "priority".
So just what are some of the demands are married couples faced with?
o Planning and attending the children's events
o Fussing over wedding, shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for loved ones
o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores
o Maintaining the home and vehicles
o Attending and preparing for church related events and gatherings
o Spending time with extended family and friends
Add to this the fact that some couples are faced with serious "road blocks" that put a great deal of pressure on their marriage such as:
o Dealing with a serious illness in the family
o Elderly parent moving into the house
o An affair
o A serious accident
o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or maxed out credit cards
o Loss of a child or loved one
o And the list goes on...
In order to put each spouse's time into perspective, let's take a look at what they do during a typical 168 hour week:
Activity Time Spent Time remaining in the week
Sleep: 8 hrs/day | 56 hrs/week - *112 hr remaining
Job/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hrs/week - *67 hrs remaining
Eating & Prep: 2 hrs/day | 14 hrs/week - *53 hr remaining
Kids issues & events: 3 hrs/day | 21 hrs/week - *32 hr remaining
Household maintenance: 1 hrs/day | 7 hrs/week - *25 hr remaining
Phone conversations: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/week - *14.5 hr remaining
Friends/Social life: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/ week - *4 hr remaining
And where do those last 4 hours go?
According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of TV each day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV-watching per year). Let's not focus on the idea that in a 65-year lifetime, a person will have spent nine years in front of a TV!
But let's not assume that you are the average TV watcher. In fact, if you're reading this article, you're probably not watching anywhere NEAR that much TV. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?
To answer this question, we'll need to discover what a "good marriage" REALLY is, and then we'll discover the actual amount of time a "good marriage" requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years now teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.
I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I'll get right down to it....
A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.
A woman needs financial security and emotional security.
Period.
When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage on how much they are getting these needs on a 100% to 0% scale.
Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, they each give me a rating between the 80% to 100% range. This means that a husband's wife builds him up, overlooks his faults, looks for what's good about him and takes a genuine...well, let me not waste words.
I'll explain it concisely by showing you what a Real Wife and a Real Husband does to create a happy marriage using my Real Husband and Real Wife definitions which you can download here: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf
In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs posted their bathroom so they could read it on a consistent basis while they prepare for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who even comes close to these definitions would tell you they are generally very happy in their marriage.
So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the day-to-day life issues listed on the time chart you saw earlier, the remaining hours left for your marriage could EASILY be spent on watching TV.
TV is easy. It requires no thinking, no physical activity, no interaction with other people and no sacrifice on your part. You just sit down and let the cares of the day slowly drift away while you consume yourself with your favorite TV show.
The Neilson study about time use dramatizes the fact that Television is the #1 form of entertainment in the Nation. Nothing else even comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general are looking for the easy life that Television delivers.
It's a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding or as fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest, yet the most rewarding relationship you can have with another person. So WHY then do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while we leave only 4 measly hours a week devote to our marriage?
Now think about this because I guarantee you haven't before. Does anyone actually care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection with each other and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is no one really cares about the goose.
Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose and everyone wants your "golden eggs". Your children don't care about your marriage .....until mom and dad are in big trouble and can't stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don't care about YOUR marriage.
In reality they care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not the marriage itself. Your extended family members don't care about YOUR marriage ...but they do care that you bring a gift for nephews, nieces and come to the party...but they have nothing to say about your marriage.
Friends don't care about YOUR marriage.They are polite to you as a couple, but really care about you as individuals...the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.
Your kid's school won't care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you is going to volunteer for the fund drive or show up for parent teacher night.
It's rare for churches - synagogues to care for your marriage. For most, it's just not on their radar. They have no preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from falling into disrepair.
When it comes to assets, the goose of your marriage has got the goods. Marriage makes the two of you more stable and financially successful because of your union. Together you produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thought it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.
No one has suggested "National Marriage Day" to bring to light the fact that marriages must be cared for and nurtured. We must protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Instead what we have is a "goose killing society" because they don't understand marriage.
When a marriage falls apart, friends, relatives, coworkers, schools, and even religious organization don't know what to tell you. They don't know what to do because very few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.
With this background in mind, it's easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be...ON THEM! This is the reason your time, (one of the goose's major assets) is freely given away to everyone else and only 4 hours a week is left for the male and female halves of the goose, to take care of itself.
If no one cares about the health of your marriage and the two of you don't care either, then where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if the two of you don't even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage if not the two of you?
The answer is NO ONE...because no one cares about the goose. And this brings me to my conclusion that... "Only a HEALTHY Goose Can Lay Golden Eggs"
Hopefully you can now see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, you create secure and successful children that will shape our future and the future of our Grandchildren.
Together, you pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong society. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation...as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation...and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.
So how do you take care of the goose, how to you keep your marriage strong? You must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk...as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time that you should spend doing this activity.
Talk openly and be sure not to criticize each other while you are talking. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most well worn piece of marriage advice is to plan a "date night" on a regular basis.
You plan that date and suddenly the world of demanders comes and tries to steal even that little time from the goose. Don't let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time restraints on your marriage that you would normally use to serve the needs of others and remember that Only a Healthy Goose Lays Golden Eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It will not happen overnight.
You need to be in a good state of mind when the two of you face the unexpected and uninvited troubles of life that might take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various kinds of addictions that could affect either of you.
If collectively, you are not a "healthy goose", those troubles can rip the goose apart and one-million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, you must talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judgment.
If you have to vent your troubles and worries, take turns, then put it all behind you. IT ALL TAKES TIME. Give your marriage the time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.
Wondering if there's still hope for your marriage? Discover how to save your marriage. Get FREE tips and advice to help you get your marriage back on track the RIGHT WAY at Larry Bilotta's Marriage Saving web site http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_Bilotta

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/603430

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Communication in a Relationship





Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks.

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.

Do you identify with any of these statements?

"He never listens to me when I talk!"

"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"

"It's like talking to a brick wall"

"I can't get through to you"

"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"

"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"

"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"

Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.

Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication

1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.

Listening and Feedback

Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.

Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.

Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.

It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.

If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)

Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)

Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)

Giving in (passive, submissive)

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)

Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)

When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.

Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

Summary

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.
About The Author
Michael Brady is web entrepreneur and is currently running a very popular dating site (Dating In Ireland). He wishes to coach people on some skills that will make them more prepared for an online dating experience.
The author invites you to visit:
http://www.datinginireland.singlescrowd.com

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Why Do I Get So Upset with My Partner?





Q: I need some relationship help. While I love my husband with all my heart, sometimes it's just so frustrating being married to him. When I feel that he's ignoring me, I get so upset, and he's usually surprised by the intensity of my reaction. Why do I get so upset with him? ~Lynn, Carlsbad CA

A: Thanks for the question, Lynn. Here are some thoughts that might help shed light on your experience:

It is extremely distressing to feel as if your words and actions have no impact (or no longer matter) to your spouse/partner—to think that someone whom you love deeply is no longer engaged fully in the relationship or interested in what's important to you can be extremely painful.

When you feel like your spouse/partner is not being responsive to you (and to your needs), two outcomes become likely:

1. Initially, you may "up the ante" in order to have some kind of impact on your spouse/partner-- this might involve yelling, becoming more provocative, elevating your emotional responses, acting in ways that are uncharacteristic for you (in attachment literature these types of reactions are called "protest" behaviors—your protests are a reflection of losing something extremely important to you; this can be the love of your partner, the security of your relationship, or both).

Is it fair to say that at some point most of us would react negatively (protest) if we perceived our spouse/partner to be unavailable and unresponsive to our needs?

2. When you feel ignored for extended periods of time, your sense of despair can turn into feelings of hopelessness—you give up on trying to engage your spouse/partner and begin to retreat (this is a self-protective behavior—in essence, you're cutting your loses). This may take the form of indifference, withdrawal behaviors, and disengaging from the relationship in general (and the responsibilities that are a part of the relationship).

Typically a protest reaction isn't random: Protest behaviors (getting really upset when your partner isn't responding in predictable ways that make you feel secure in the relationship) occur in a particular context; and the triggering event is usually feeling anxious about losing the security of your relationship.

Relationship Help: Let's break down this reaction:

An unresponsive/disengaged/uninterested partner =>

triggers increased anxiety and worry in the other partner, who then =>

attempts to reengage the unresponsive partner (for example, "We need to talk," or "What's wrong?") =>

and if the other partner is still not responsive, protest behaviors are triggered.

Your protest behaviors (whether your protest behaviors are perceived as nagging, pestering, yelling, or some kind of increased emotionality like anger) are in effect attempts to try and correct the problem—ideally it's an attention-grabbing reaction that will let your spouse know that something is wrong that needs fixing.

Think of protest behaviors as an alarm sounding in an effort to grab your partner's attention to what needs to be addressed.

Marital/relationship problems can arise when these temporary reactions (feeling one's spouse/partner is unconcerned and unresponsive) are not addressed and become ingrained patterns.

I hope this sheds some light on why you seem to get so upset with your spouse (or why we all get upset with our spouse/partner at times). Whenever we allow a loved one special access to our hearts, feeling ignored by this person is going to feel like a major deal.

Click Relationship Help to sign up for Dr. Nicastro's free Relationship and Marriage Advice tips & read his latest blog posts.

And don't forget to check out the special Marriage Enrichment Bonus Offer.
About The Author
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with over fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives. His relationship advice has appeared on television, radio and in national magazines.
The author invites you to visit:
http://www.relationship-advice-expert.com

Gendered Marriage is Genocide of Christians

Ever since marriage was defined at the wedding in the Garden of Eden, marriage remained, until now, a sacred unchangeable institution -- a sacrament established by God for the future benefit of mankind.

Marriage -- we used to call it Holy Matrimony because God established it -- will become unholy the moment it is equated to behavior prohibited by the unchanging God of the Bible.

Homosex is abhorrent to Biblical principles. Examples: Jude 7-11, 1st Corinthians 6:9, Romans 1:26, 27, Leviticus 20:13, 2nd Peter 2:6,10-12, 1st Timothy 1:9-10. Even Lot "vexed his righteous soul" to tolerate the "filthy conduct" of his neighbors -- it affected him to such an extent that he offered his daughters to homosexuals as a bribe.

Traditional marriage and unholy marriage are opposites. They cannot coexist together in the same society. Civil union marriage will REPLACE, not coexist with, Traditional Marriage. It is NOT the granting of rights to a minority group, it is the denial of rights to Christians. Here is why they cannot coexist: most Churches teach that the authority mentioned in Romans 13:1 is government authority, and that it must be honored. Therefore, whatever kind of marriage that government authorizes is the ONLY kind that is available to those Christians who honor government authority.

Once the law is passed declaring that real marriage* is now substituted by a kind that is prohibited by the Bible, then the government-authorized unholy matrimony is the only kind available. Traditional marriage will then be shunned, (essentially eliminated) by all who honor government authority, but refuse to condone unholy matrimony.

* Real marriage is the kind that the US Supreme Court in Maynard v. Hill said was from a higher authority than any contract. But the right to contract included our right to write a Constitution that created our government. Government can become a higher authority only when they declare themselves to be gods.

Christians must refuse a non-traditional marriage. Although some so-called Christian couples will reluctantly apply for government-authorized unholy matrimony (because it is the only marriage available), many couples will obey God and accept the consequences. Paganized unholy matrimony is abhorrent to Christian principles. This has a serious lifetime consequence. Even the Georgia Supreme Court in Askew v. Dupree ruled that traditional marriage saves the bride's honor: "Her honor is saved, and this is worth more than everything, even life itself." Is the new government legislated counterfeit marriage still a minimal moral standard that it is worth more than life itself? Or is it the opposite? Is it a permit to commit behavior that is abhorrent to Christians, which must be refused to save the family's honor?

Genocide is evil. Don't let them call it love. If government redefines marriage as something prohibited by Christian principles, then many Christians would remain unmarried and refuse to participate. This will be genocide. The Genocide Treaty, 78 UNTS 277 defines the crime of genocide to include "… in whole or in part … measures intended to prevent births within the group…" If a Christian couple refuses to participate in pagan wedding vows, and refrains from fornication (which is also evil -- fornicators cannot go to heaven according to 1st Corinthians 6:9) then they will suffer this genocide.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.



About The Author
Steven D. Miller is author of the book Defense of Marriage. The book is available at http://www.marriage-truth.com