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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

4 Changes That Will Save Your Marriage


Question:

I think my marriage is in trouble and I want to save it. Is there anything I can do aside from professional counselling?

Answer:

That's a great question and it's something that gets asked by a lot of couples who feel that their marriages are on the rocks but don't want to go to professional counselling. Luckily, there are 4 things you can that will help save your marriage and none of them are difficult and all 4 of them are inexpensive. In fact, they're so simple that they're almost common sense, yet most couple's won't do them,

1. Let it go. The first thing you ought to do, especially during an argument is to just let it go. Is being right the most important thing in your marriage? Noodle over that for a minute. Whenever you and your spouse have a difference of opinion, someone automatically wants to be right all the time, it's human nature.

Now don't misunderstand me here, I'm not suggesting that you ought to simply flip over and be a door mat during a argument. But what I am saying is that when all is said and done, being loved and cherished by your spouse is far more important than being right all the time.

When your spouse married you, they were looking for Mr. or Mrs Right, not Mr. or Mrs. Always Right. So drop your guard and just let it go. After you do this a few times, your spouse will start to follow suit and remember, nothing as critical as it first seems after a few days.


2. Start dating again.One of the best things you can do to save your marriage is to start dating each other again. This runs specifically true if you have been married for many years and have fallen into a routine of familiarity with each other.

Now there are two ways that you can go about this. The first way is to sit down as a couple and schedule your dates in the calendar so that you both know what's going on and at what time. The benefit to this strategy is that you'll always know where you stand as far as your date is concerned and you won't have to worry about it falling through. The disadvantage to this system is that it lacks the element of surprise and excitement.

The second way to go about dating your spouse again is to do it in secret and add the element of surprise. By documenting a list of your spouse's favorite activities and then covertly preparing dates around them gives you the additional bonus of shocking them which can enhance the exhilaration of the date. The challenge with this is that if anything last minute comes up, the date may fall through.

So what I recommend you do now is take a look at your schedule and determine if you can surprise your spouse with a date or if it needs to be planned and then go out and do it.


3. Put each other first. This is one of the most important things you can do to help save your marriage. Putting your partner's needs ahead of your own shows them how deeply you care about them. And I'm willing to bet you did this when your first started dating.

As humans, we all have things that make us happy. Some like to be told they're loved while others show small gestures of affection. Either way, the more effort you put into your partner, the less you'll have to put into fixing your marriage.

If you're struggling for ideas on how to make this happen, start small and go from there. For example, if you're the man in the relationship, try doing the dishes after dinner every night for a week, or help put the kids to bed. If you're the woman in the relationship, give your man the opportunity to be the knight in shining armour and let him save the day. Doing this will make him feel valued and important.

4. Be attentive of each other's needs. Love and marriage are not based solely on sex, but it does play an important part. Most women don't know this, but men connect emotionally to women through sex, so when you're man is pawing at you wanting to go to the bedroom what he's really looking for is to connect emotionally with you.

If you're the man in the relationship, it's important to stoke the fires. Take time each night to do something small for your wife that lets her know she's appreciated and valued. Try rubbing her feet or back while you're watching tv or running your fingers through her hair, but do something that requires you to touch her and not in sexual way.


These 4 things will go a long way to saving your marriage especially if you're on the brink and thinking about divorce . The secret is to have it start with you. Don't wait for your partner to make the first move. Take the initiative and make it happen because you'll find that when you do, your spouse will respond in kind.