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Friday, March 1, 2013

Sex in the Marriage: How Important is it?

sex in the marriage

This is one question that surely gets men and women divided into two groups.
When asked, men immediately respond - very important! and women say, 'not very important and certainly not the most important'. Infact, some women may even claim it to be not important at all. Though there are exceptions all around, lets come to face it - Sex IS important in any marriage. How much? It depends.
Before getting on with the discussion, let us get this straight.
Men need to have sex to feel close to their mate while women need to feel close to their mate to have sex.
Different Perspectives
People in west view sex differently from easterners. Similarly, men and women in urban India look at sex much differently than how a conservative Indian talks about it.
This post takes the mindset of an urban Indian working woman but in the comments section, you can add your views. And if you do not want to speak publicly, please choose 'anonymous' profile and no one would come to know about your identity. Not even me.
Men, Women and the Sex
Like I said before, this is one thing that clearly carries different meanings among men and women.
To men, sex is not just about pleasure, it is also about power. Sex inflates their ego like anything. Men are not good at expressing themselves verbally so making love is a way of their expression. They need it to be shown that their wife is attracted towards them. They need to be proud of their virility. So, to men it is just not about love. It is also about prowess.
To women, sex is an act. They need to be caressed, kissed and loved. It is mainly a way to deepen their love for partner, while in contrast, to men it can be even a plain way to shoo the stress away!
Since in a marriage, both a man and a woman are involved, we can say that sex is needed to strengthen the emotional bond and also to drive the rifts and stress away.
Sex or Love?
Men say sex leads to love and women say love leads to sex.
But whatever leads whichever, one thing is sure. A marriage with love without sex can survive but a marriage with sex without love can not survive.
If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.
Sex leads to intimacy
Undoubtedly, one thing that sets marriage apart from a committed relationship is sex. Though we can not say this about relationships in today's times where sex begins the relationship.
Making love after a fight actually dissolves the issues and sets upset moods right. You are talking love and think about your first meeting with your spouse and you both feel strongly for each other.
Sex brings a closeness that is beyond words. It relaxes you, puts you in tune with each other, and smoothes over all the everyday trials and tribulations,’ says Rochelle, who runs a dating agency with her husband.
If its not important then what is the deal about infidelity?
Someone once asked me 'we always keep saying, it is not important. But if it is really not important then why do we make a big deal of it if the partner strays away'? I think its a valid question. In marriage, you are not allowed to sleep with someone else. This means sleeping with your partner is something that exclusively you have the right to.
But there is more to life than sex
It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one's marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex.
In final words, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just need to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which binds them together.