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Monday, March 18, 2013

Stories and Solutions About Low Sex Marriages

Reason For No Sex

Many of the stories on this site, speak to me of the partner having been sexually abused along the way before marriage. The woman who cries after, or gets violent during is a perfect example. These are definitely signs of prior abuse. Usually they do not tell because they are so ashamed of it. Or when they told as a child, they were not believed. Ask your spouse. I have professional training in this field, and a husband who was not interested in sex. He finally told me, and is now seeking counseling for the problem.
—Guest Lorraine


Married 27 years. No $ equals no sex. Used to make $250,000 a year and now it's $80,000. Sex only once in past 3 years. Sick of this! She's been weaning me off for years. After marriage she said no more oral from er "becuase we're married now." Stayed in marriage for daughter but now she's 23 years old. Should I go?
—Guest Tired of this

Male in Sexless Marriage

When I went online, I was looking for a way to cope with my wife's lack of intimacy. I was shocked to see how many posts were the opposite way, that being women whose husbands were like this.. Shocked..!! I've been married 20 years, 2 great kids, and have a comfortable lifestyle. I could enjoy sex 1 to 2 times daily. Unfortunately, my wife believes 2 times a year is the proper amount. This has become a bit of an issue. It's been this way for 3 years now, self gratification my only option. I don't want divorce, but am ready to explore other possibilities. It would be helpful to hear how others resolve similar predicaments. I need to find a solution soon. If you'd care to share advice -- Any help is greatly appreciated. Looking For Answers in Chicago
—Guest Looking For Answers in Chicago

No Sex Marriage

i have been married for 33 years and have 4 kids and 7 grandkids, about 10 years ago we stopped having sex i felt ugly and alone i am glad i am not alone, i love my husband and he has health issues. i really miss sex but i am not alone thank GOD

I Love My Wife

I love my wife with all my heart. I'm nine years older than her and by the time I get home from work I just have no want for sex. She says that I make her feel unwanted. I love her and want her but I just don't feel like having sex. She is threatening an affair or leaving me. What can I do? Editor's Note: If you haven't consulted a physician, please do so.
—Guest old man


For the last 10-15 years I have had no sex whats so ever I don't want it yearn for it. Just not interested, I have high blood pressure and have had a stroke but even prior to that there was nothing. I feel for my wife and all i can give her is warmth, cuddles, kisses and sweet talk communication has also diminished quiet a bit. I do love her and would never concider leaving. I really need help please please
—Guest David


I am male, have been married nearly 20 years. Its actually a bit weird seeing the responses above where women are complaining that their husbands don't give them enough sex. I wish I was married to one of these women!! My sex drive: I feel like it every night! So here is my story, even in the good times, even at the beginning, I always felt that my drive was way above her's. It was always like a request, "Can we please have sex," etc. I always felt like she was doing me a favour. So the first 15yrs it was once a week, usually. Which I was "kind of" OK with. But now the last 5 yrs its dropped progressively. The last 12 months, I think 3-4 times! The last 3 months, zero. I feel like quitting, having an affair. Getting revenge. She doesn't give a @£$%. It makes me so angry. She only cares about her family, stuff that is happening to her siblings, parents. But I cant divorce or separate as we have a complex interlinked family. What do I do. She is impossible to talk to. I want to QUIT
—Guest doc

A Month to Fix It or He's Out

My husband and I have been together for almost 4 yrs, 1.5 of which are in marriage. We became pregnant almost instantly after we met. The first month we were together we had amazing sex. I worked midnights so after I got off work I would go to his house and have incredible sex. While I was pregnant I had no sex drive. Had my baby and then got pregnant right away again. No sex for 9 mos again. He asked me to marry him knowing that we never had a steady sex life. We married and ever since we haven't had a great sex life. I have no sex drive. I'm 27 and am fit and attractive but I just want to be cuddled and he just wants sex. I feel used and the thought of a hand job makes me puke in my mouth a little. It bothers me bc he says that he will cheat on me. We go without for 3-6 weeks and then when he pressures me I just roll over and take it and then cry silently after. Then another month will go by. We fight constantly and have tried everything. If I don't give in he will leave me...
—Guest At the breaking moment

No Sex

The most sex I have ever gotten was when I was single the first time and between marriages this time (also single). I read about all the women who don't get enough sex and wonder where were they when I was looking for a partner. Actually, like everyone else, sex was great with my wife early on then kids, work, etc. happened. We are empty nesters and have a great life other than no sex. My urologist asked how my sex life was and I said off-hand it was pretty good (he did not get it). It has been very frustrating like all the other stories I have read and hope there is help somewhere.
—Guest John Young

Is It Worth Staying Together?

We've been married 31.5 years and most of that time, our marriage qualified as a sexless marriage. I've contemplated leaving him about every 5-7 years, but I'm still with him. He's a great guy in so many ways, but he just doesn't seem interested in sex. I asked him a couple times if he was gay, which he denied, but I think he might really be. He's 2.5 years older than me and looks much older than his age while I look much younger than my age. I know I look attractive, but his lack of (sexual) attention still makes me feel unattractive, undesirable, etc. I've tried explaining to him a few times, and he did become more attentive, but it didn't last. I've gone to having virtual affairs, which counter the negative feelings his inattention cause, but it also makes me feel like a louse. I try to stop, but I feel desperate at times and turn to online chats as a way of easing that need, but it's not enough. I feel if I can't get my husband to want me, maybe we shouldn't be together anymore?
—Guest Unhappy in marriage

I Hear Ya

I've made every excuse for my wife and run out. So I have affairs when I can and tell myself it's okay because I'm just relieving her of a duty she cannot fulfill. So doing her a favor.
—Guest theempathiser

Been With Out

Well!!! I've been without sex, intimacy, love for over 45 years. Our sex life started and ended all in the same evening -- our wedding night. After we had sex the first time he just said that it was disgusting, smelly and totally gross. He said he didn't get any pleasure out of it and wondered what the big deal about sex was. I was told that he never wanted to get involved with some thing that gross again. So he moved himself to the basement, and immediately started working the midnight shift. And the rest is 45 years without sex or intimacy. For years he's lived down there like a hermit, no radio, tv, phone, computer -- just him and his shop. Also years ago his personal looks have went down the hill, has a long beard and hair and rags that he must think are clothes. I was upset when this all started but over the years the pain and hurt just seem to have went away. I have to admit that at times I just break down and start crying. I just stay away from the house as much as possible.
—Guest Amy


Husband and I have been together since high school..and i haven't felt the same attraction to him since we first started dating...i thought getting married and trying to up my confidence level would change it..but i feel no desire towards him. he is the most amazing person and treats me well and i don't know if a sexless marriage is what always happens to people or what.. but I'm just not sure i have ever felt intimacy.
—Guest cort

Emotional Abuse

Thought this was only a problem 4 men. It's emotional abuse. Our vows were consumated 2 nites after our wedding 'cause she was "afraid." Once heard that if you don't consumate on wedding nite the marriage is doomed. Seems true cause it's gone slowly down hill. She says "she never had a sex drive, if I don't ask she won't offer 'cause she doesn't want/need it," w/ a "take it or leave it" attitude. Getting my wife to "make love" feels like i'm coercing almost raping her 'cause she doesn't want it. I always think she's feeling forced out of "duty." She suggests we find "other" ways to be close. Maybe peanuckle? How about I feed her rocks rather than food when she's hungry? She won't touch me sexually & seems to loathe contact w/ me. Our intercourse is like porno, no emotional connection, just sex. She thinks I just want to orgasm. I want my wife to want me like I want her, not "give in" 'cause I want her. I've talked to her w/out success, & w/ her attitude I'm ready to "leave it."
—Guest NowIKnow

No Sex

no sex maybe 4 times a year, wife always tired wtih exuses and lies about going to have sex. hides behind our only child at night to avoid me and constant arguing about romance and