The Seed of Divorce

We're sure you've heard stories about married couples who wake up one morning and suddenly decide they just don't want to be married any more. Or couples who claim they had absolutely no clue their partner was unhappy.

We say that's likely not true. Divorce is not an overnight decision. Much like those weeds that grew in your flower garden; while it seems they just appeared overnight, they didn't. Those weeds were germinating beneath the dirt long before you saw them. You only began to give attention to the weeds when they became too large to remain beneath the soil. And so it is with marriage; the issues were always beneath the surface but were never dealt with.

Your marriage is just like a flower garden. Only in this case, the seeds have the potential of growing into something much more destructive. That's why you and your spouse must tend the garden of your marriage on a daily basis in order to prevent divorce.

How do you tend your marriage garden? Good question. First, you must be willing to expose all issues; remember, we said the first step to transformation is transparency. In other words, you can't deal with an issue if you're not willing to expose it. Exposing the issue means being honest with your mate about how their behavior hurt or offended you. It also includes being honest with yourself about your role in your marital problems.

Next, you must always be willing to forgive. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness and the word of God tells us to rid ourselves of all bitterness, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior" Ephesians 4:31. Not only that, according to Christ we must forgive because He extended forgiveness to us. "You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" Colossians 3:13.

But I can't forgive, you say. God says you must forgive, it's not an option. Well, what happens if I don't forgive them, you ask? In that case, God won't forgive you. "But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins", Matthew 6:15.

Understand, forgiveness is a choice and a process. It does not mean you forget, nor does it mean you condone the offender's behavior.

The first two steps of tending your marriage garden, exposing and forgiving, are equivalent to digging out the weeds in your garden. But now what do you do? You plant something else where that weed once was. But this time, plant a seed that will produce a harvest of blessings.

M J Collins and Wanda Collins,
Nehemiah Family Ministries

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1972125

Learn to Love

J. Heinrich Arnold

En Español

This article is an excerpt from our free ebook Discipleship.

Jesus showed us that love means giving one's life for others rather than taking life, becoming the lowest and humblest rather than the most powerful. Love makes us free. A person who wants to dominate others and have power over them has a tormented soul, whereas a person who is burning with love has a joyful soul. We wish for our couples that love might rule their life, and that service to one another might come before service to oneself. But more than this, we wish that they might be dedicated to the great cause of God, and that their love to him might come before everything else - even before their marriage.  [page 169]

From a letter: The attraction to the opposite sex is natural, but it is not sufficient ground by far on which to marry or found a family. It is quite natural that when a man loves a woman, he wants to know if she is the "right" one. There is only one answer to this question: both must feel that a marital relationship will lead them nearer to Jesus.

I can well imagine - in actual fact, I know it for sure - that the right choice for a spouse is not the one who is most attractive erotically, but the one whose companionship will lead both partners closer to Jesus. If marriage is based only on physical attraction, it will go to pieces easily.  [p 170]

From a letter: If you are thinking of binding another soul to your life through marriage, learn to love, learn to be open-hearted, and learn to consider the other person first.  [p 171]

Jesus takes the bond of marriage so seriously that he calls even a lustful glance "adultery in the heart" (Mat 5:28). He speaks so sharply about this because he wants to protect the wonderful and holy gift of unity between two people.

In a true marriage a man and a woman become one first of all in spirit. This means that they are one in faith, one in their experience of God, and united in the purity of the church.

Second, marriage means that a man and a woman are one in soul…. There is a special love between these two, and a special joy when they are near to one another. Because they love one another quite specifically, they are faithful to one another and keep their relationship pure.

Third, marriage means that a couple becomes one flesh through the act of physical union… The blessing of God is on any couple - young or old - who experiences unity in the right order: first unity of one spirit, then oneness of heart and soul, and then physical union.  [p.172]

In the deepest sense, marriage leads to community. As God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). Out of one being he made two–man and woman–and in marriage these two become one again.

A marriage will last only if both partners have humble and open hearts. Jealousy and self-importance will always try to enter their relationship and separate them, but love will overcome, because it is “neither arrogant nor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the truth” (1 Cor13:4-6).  This also means that love forgives. When you are married, you find out day by day that your partner is not perfect. But if you can forgive your spouse, every day will be a new beginning, and every day will contain new joy. “Love bears all things, hopes and believes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).  Nothing is too heavy to carry if there is love. Even if a difficult situation confronts you as a couple, love will hold you firm with hope and faith, for it endures all things.  [p.174]

Our main calling is to follow Jesus, whatever the cost. If we are given the gift of a partner, it should double our dedication to Jesus, not weaken it. Marriage should lead us closer to Jesus.

We pray that those who enter marriage may allow nothing to separate them from the love of God, whatever may happen; for his love is always there to hold each of them and both of them together through need and suffering as well as through times of joy.

The bond of marriage is a promise to be faithful through thick and thin, through good days and hard days, and to be completely dependent on the love of God for the whole of life.  [p.175]

Excerpted from Discipleship, a free ebook.

In Pursuit Of Good Sex: A Drug-Free Approach To Restoring Sexual Libido And Desire

Despite what many so-called experts say, hormone replacement therapy or supplements doesn’t always have to be the answer to lack of sexual libido, passion and desire. Low sexual drive may result from either physical or psychological factors (or a combination of both). In your case the problem may not be physical but a result of imbalances (lost or neglected sexual feelings) that are affecting your overall well-being.

As some people with this “problem" will testify, they experience no physical dysfunction and feel very normal - have sexual desires and become physically aroused on contact with a desirable member of the opposite sex but they quickly loose the aroused state, passion or interest because of fear, anxiety, damage to sexual self-esteem (exposure to or experience of sexual insults or name-calling, or unsuccessful sexual interactions) and/or due to being unsure of one’s own sexual feelings and how one ought to “behave".

These psycho-sexual problems can not be made to “disappear" with hormone replacement, dietary supplements, daily exercise or “magic" tricks.

1. The first step in restoring sexual drive and desire is to examine your reasons, attitude, beliefs and motivation for having sex in the first place.

Think about why many people have sex? Many people have sex in order to get other things that are lacking in their lives - attention or affection, reassurance or popularity. Or maybe they are hoping that having sex will result in a sense of belonging or of being needed or status in their peer group.

Sex which is a delicious and wonderful part of the human experience and a positive influence on daily life becomes a source of anxiety, pressure or displeasure when one (unrealistically) expects sex to fill the “void" in his or her life. It is in fact much more likely that having sex simply to feel better about yourself or to get others to want to be with you will result in compounding the problem of low sexual libido rather than resolving it. You may find yourself easily slipping into self-destructive behaviours (sexual recklessness, denying your sexual desires, avoiding the opposite sex, passive aggressiveness, sex addictions, vaginal dryness, inability to get or keep an erection etc.).

What is your reason for wanting sex? Is it realistic and healthy or is it to fill a “void" in your life?

2. The second step is to integrate sexuality into your sense of self.

Many men and women have cut themselves off from their own sexuality, which impedes their ability to be genuine and natural sexual beings. The sexual “problems" in your life may be a result of what happened in childhood including upbringing, cultural expectations, sex information learned, anxiety or confusion in adolescence, history of sexual abuse, body image issues, financial or career uncertainty, history of bad relationships or bad sexual experiences etc. These factors combined ultimately lead to the mind and body’s reluctance to go through all the pain and hassle -again.

Self-awakening is a critical stage for discovering your inner libido and getting the most out of sex. What do you believe about sex? What do you consider acceptable? What is normal to you? Who and what lurks under your outward demeanor? The reward for integrating sexuality into your sense of self is not endless sexual bliss (though anything can and does happen!). The reward is an openness to experience the energy that creates life in you, to recognize when it has slipped out of your life and to be able re-connect with your own sexual powers naturally and instantly.

3. The third step is to do things which will build a sense of “sexual" achievement.

Many studies have shown that the pressure to perform to a “satisfactory sexual standard" (whether self-inflicted or from outside sources) inhibits body/genital response both in men and in women and consequently increases feelings of rejection, a sense of obligation, loneliness and guilt, and in most instances this leads to loss of self-confidence or the mood for sex. Even if you feel somewhat fulfilled in your sex life, hearing about what others do behind closed doors — and how often can get your worried about your own performance and sexual desirability.

Instead of trying to live up to the sexual expectations and images promoted by the media (and “sex-experts"), it is important that you find your own sexual standard and unique libidinous imprint. Give yourself permission to see the intelligence, wisdom, vitality and sensuality of your own mind and body - this eases the pressure to perform according to someone else’s (idealistic and impossible) standards.

As important as it is to “take the pressure of", it’s also equally important to ‘walk before you can run". Starting with small things is the most effective strategy. This may involve things as simple as smiling at people and making it clear they are welcome; finding time and space to yourself and putting your needs above everyone else’s needs; assertively asking to be treated with respect, kindness and sensitivity; thoroughly exploring how you see your own body, what role the body plays in your life and what makes you sexually fulfilled, etc.

4. The fourth step is to surround yourself with sex-positive and holistic models of sexuality (including people and sources of information etc).

One of the most effective ways to positively enhance your own sexual self-esteems is to “make-over" your environment and surround yourself with people, things and experiences that are generally more sex-positive, holistic and empowering. The kind of people and sexual environment you expose yourself to has a powerful effect on your sexual libido. If you hang around people (read their books or internet articles and blogs) who are sexually frustrated, bitter, angry, confused, ignorant, immature, uncouth, shame or guilt-driven, unfulfilled, etc. you will find yourself frustrated, bitter, angry, uninformed, inexperienced, unfulfilled and boorish. These people may seem like “fun" to be around since they share your “frustrations" but all too often all you end up doing is dwelling on what you have done badly or not been able to do - and sometimes kicking your own butt and unable to forgive yourself which just worsens your situation.

Men and women who score highest on a measure of sexual libido and passions have a positive view of their sexuality (open-minded and broad-minded), and as a result are more sexual which in turn makes them more sexually attractive to the opposite sex. They are more likely than others to be in a relationship, experience feelings of love (more often than others) and have great sex - NO hormone replacement, dietary supplements, unnecessary exercise routines or “magic" tricks!

7 Ways To A Successful Marriage

What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.

1. Proper Communication

In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.

2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)

Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.

3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)

Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?

4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)

All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.


5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)

If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.

6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self

You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.

7. Spiritual Foundation

If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.

Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)

Forgive Your Spouse of Adultery And Save Your Christian Marriage: http://youtu.be/snUGrD6Qh5k
Visit our marriage Healing Ministry: http://www.heavenministries.com


Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I’ve never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.
1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.
2. Pray.
Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping him for.
3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
If your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend everything is fine.
For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don’t ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won’t be.
4. Don’t expect them to be Christ-like.
If your son is not a Christian, he’s not going to act like one.
You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don’t expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, “I know you’re struggling with believing in Jesus, but can’t you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?”
If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child’s unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart’s sickness than its symptoms.
5. Welcome them home.
Because the deepest concern is not your child’s actions, but his heart, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house if you are...” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.
If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.
6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.
What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.
Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.
7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.
There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it’s worth it—especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can’t.
Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.
This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son—in a way he may actually pay attention to—that he’s being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it’s a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.
A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools—and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents—so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.
8. Respect their friends.
Honor your wayward child in the same way you’d honor any other unbeliever. They may run with crowds you’d never consider talking to or even looking at, but they are your child’s friends. Respect that—even if the relationship is founded on sin. They’re bad for your son, yes. But he’s bad for them, too. Nothing will be solved by making it perfectly evident that you don’t like who he’s hanging around with.
When your son shows up for a family birthday celebration with another girlfriend—one you’ve never seen before and probably won’t see again—be hospitable. She’s also someone’s wayward child, and she needs Jesus, too.
9. Email them.
Praise God for technology that lets you stay in your kids’ lives so easily!
When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation for them is positive examples of Christ’s joy in your own life.
Don’t stress out when you’re composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out one after another, and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child’s inbox. God’s word is never proclaimed in vain.
10. Take them to lunch.
If possible, don’t let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it’s far worse to be in the child’s shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.
It will feel almost hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but try to anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, pray that the Lord will give you the gumption to ask about his soul. You don’t know how he’ll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you’re an idiot? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don’t know until you risk asking.
(Here’s a note to parents of younger children: Set up regular times to go out to eat with your kids. Not only will this be valuable for its own sake, but also, if they ever enter a season of rebellion, the tradition of meeting with them will already be in place and it won’t feel weird to ask them out to lunch. If a son has been eating out on Saturdays with his dad since he was a tot, it will be much harder for him later in life to say no to his father’s invitation—even as a surly nineteen-year-old.)
11. Take an interest in their pursuits.
Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will probably disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was ten; what can you do now that she’s twenty to show that you still really care about her interests?
Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and he wasn’t even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to that dank little nightclub where your daughter’s CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus’ glory instead her own.
12. Point them to Christ.
This can’t be over-stressed. It is the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.
Jesus.
It’s not so that they will be good kids again; it’s not so that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not so that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not so that you can stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study; it’s not so that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election; it’s not even so that you can sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell. The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, email them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Christ.
And not only is he the only point—he’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He will replace the pathetic vanity of the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only his grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to himself—captive, but satisfied.
He will do this for many. Be faithful and don’t give up

Losing Our Reality in a Sea

"I was awakened by a large boat passing by that almost tipped over the inflatable I was on," said the man. "In a state of momentary drowsiness I tried to sort out the pieces in my head. Myrtle Beach...on vacation...relaxing on a pool inflatable in the ocean. As my head cleared from the slumber, I suddenly realized I had fallen asleep and that the float I was on had drifted out to sea."
He had my attention as he continued!
"Startled, I looked around to see if I could see land, but to my amazement there was no land in sight. Only the sea and more of the sea! The sun was directly over my head, I was completely alone, and I was clueless about which direction I needed to take in order to find land. Everything I knew about reality seemed to be lost in the body of water I found myself surrounded by."
Fortunately, for this young man, a Coast Guard boat happened along and carried him to shore, but not until he had been severely burned.

Life and Love in a Sea of Sex and Sensuality
Now, I wouldn't bring you all the way over here just so you could read a story about a man pulled out to sea would I?
That is a great observation!
This article is less about what happened to this young man and more about what is happening to us.
I'll explain!
I want to focus in on the statement, "Everything I knew about reality seemed to be lost in the body of water I found myself surrounded by."
Just a casual look at Western culture and one can't help but notice that this is happening to us morally. One of my great concerns as a father is that we are losing, or completely missing, several realities about life and love as we are being swept away by the sea of sex and sensuality that surrounds us.
Before you toss this article aside and label me as a prude who thinks sex is dirty, guess again. I believe we are DESIGNED FOR DESIRE, but I also believe that we DESIRE FOR DESIGN. I believe sex is a wonderful treasure given to us for intimacy, and I believe certain realities exist that either protect or destroy the blueprint of that treasure.
All this leads me to the first reality I feel we are losing in the sea of sex and sensuality that surrounds us.
Reality Check: We are Losing Our Intent to Protect the Blueprint
For several years I worked inside a large factory that operated its fast-paced production facility with specialized machinery. A person couldn't be there very long without noticing the value placed upon the blueprints of each machine. These blueprints were esteemed with so much value, only specialized personnel had access to them. Protecting the blueprint was so important they kept them in concealed compartments under lock-and-key.
Interesting, isn't it, how we treat things we value?
As a result of the sea of sex and sensuality that surrounds us, one of the first realities I feel we are losing is our intent to protect the blueprint.
Sex used to be highly valued as an act of marriage. It was something people who had committed themselves in marriage to each other enjoyed and embraced for bonding and intimacy. Fast-forward to today and you can easily see this is no longer the case. We've relaxed the requirement from "committed" to "like", and sex has been so far removed from the act of marriage until it has just become the act of sex.
Not much sacred!
Not much special!
Just sex!
Something two people do for fun, entertainment, excitement and thrills when they like each other.
Culture has been selling us the sizzle and stealing from us the soul of relationships for so long that we've become a generation of DESIRE JUNKIES and DESIGN FLUNKIES. We know so much about DESIRE and so little about DESIGN. The blueprint is no longer valued!
Not protecting the blueprint has us seeking out the promises of passion but having no passion for promise. Millions are so caught up in the dance of desire that they are living for the moment and missing the lifetime, making human sexuality about how much LEG-I-SEE instead of LEG-A-CY.
In a world where night of a lifetime ideas abound, my hope is to challenge each of us to never forget to elevate the lifetime. After all, what we ELEVATE becomes what we CELEBRATE! The way of the heart is now, and always will be, to be wanted for a lifetime of nights and not just a night of a lifetime.
Losing the placement of value that used to be given to sex just makes it all seem so trite and trivial these days. I long for the day we start to realize once again that sex is really less about release and more about embrace. Perhaps, then, we will again start to see the importance of the blueprint.

Reality Check: What we MAGNIFY we have to MANAGE
As I write this, Sex and the City 2 has just opened in the Box Office. Ironically, just today I heard Kim Cattrall (who plays Samantha) being interviewed about the movie. I almost fell out of my seat listening to her explain the value the movie Sex and the City has brought to families and the world.
She was sharing about a man that approached her in a grocery store expressing how Sex and the City has opened up the communication lines for him and his daughter to openly talk about sex. The implication was that, prior to Sex and the City, speaking openly about sex was considered taboo.
My response to the absurdity of her statements is as follows. You may or may not agree, but hey, you've been wrong before (smile).
I, too, believe communicating about sex is important for parents and their children, but I have to wonder if Sex and the City has ENABLED us to talk openly about sex or if it has FORCED US TO? You see, WHAT WE MAGNIFY WE HAVE TO MANAGE!
Now, what do I mean by what we magnify we have to manage?
Have you ever test-driven a car because it was a unique, one-of-a-kind pearl that nobody else was driving? What happened shortly after you bought it? You started seeing them everywhere, right? Has someone you know ever sung a verse to a catchy tune, or a not-so-catchy tune, and you found yourself on the brink of insanity because you couldn't get the crazy song out of your head all day long? These are a couple examples of how things can get magnified.
Here's another example!
Consider the warmth of the sun. Naturally designed to radiate heat to warm our lives, but when magnified, that which is naturally designed to warm us can be the very thing that burns us instead. We've all seen it and most of us have done it a time or two in our life. A magnifying glass positioned in direct sunlight over leaves or paper takes only seconds to ignite into a flaming mass of fury.
When we magnify something it shouldn't surprise us when we have to manage it. Why do we think sex crimes, STD's and teen pregnancies have all increased in the sea of sex and sensuality we're swimming in?
It is this young father's belief that movies like Sex and the City are just part of an existing trend that magnifies sex and sensuality for profit. As a result, parents have to become the pop-up blockers children need against a culture lost in sexual mania.
That's right parents! Go ahead and add POP-UP BLOCKER to your job description!
No, movies/shows like Sex and the City aren't doing parents and society any favors, here. Smart parents know it is wise to openly talk about sex with their children. If they do not, the voice of culture around them is going to suck their children into the same cesspool of sexual irresponsibility it displays and embraces. You know, like the kind of sexual irresponsibility you see on programs like……well…..oh yeah, Sex and the City.

Reality Check: Losing our BLUSH in a World where TOYS-ARE-US
"Nothing makes me blush, anymore," has become a very common catch phrase. Most of you reading this have either said it yourself or heard someone else say it.
So, why is it? Why don't we blush anymore?
Diogenes, an Ancient Greek Philosopher once said, "Blushing is the color of virtue."
I think Diogenes was onto something!
People of virtue BLUSH!
In this sea of sex and sensuality that surrounds us, has the voice of culture so desensitized the masses with its sensual packaging that purity and virtue have become lost in the process?
I have to believe there are other dads like me who are totally put off being sedated by all the seductive imagery flaunted by culture. Culture has turned girls/women into eye-candy and toys-for-boys, and it seems way too many are okay with sporting this TOYS-ARE-US identity.
I have to believe there are fathers like me who find it really sad that the age of innocence has become younger and younger. Fathers whose hearts break that ten-year old kids already have to decide if they are going to show and use their bodies in order to be valued. Visit your local mall and you'll see it. The age for dressing to sexually attract has gotten younger and younger. Trying to seal the deal through sex appeal has become the norm for kids barely out of elementary school.
Why are we allowing the sexually irresponsible to have so much power and influence over our lives? Yes, I did indeed say SEXUALLY IRRESPONSIBLE! Our sexuality is not something we are given when we prove we are capable of handling it responsibly; it is something we must handle responsibly throughout our lives. But so many mismanage it and live sexually irresponsible lives. They don't just live it, they get applauded for it.
Shock-jocks have millions of devoted fans following their pleasure pushing wares, music videos have become muSICK videos, television should be renamed TAILevision with all the fanny shaking and bump and grinding being flaunted. Magazines shouldn't call it FRONT COVER anymore, they should rename it FRONT UNCOVERED, as this is a more adequate description of the person on the coveted cover page of so many magazines.
We are losing touch with reality when it takes more and more wearing less and less to make us blush. The primary purpose of modesty is not to cover up skin but to preserve our appreciation for what is pure and wholesome.
I can't help but wonder if losing our virtue is the reason we are losing our blush.

How Far We’ve Drifted
These are just a few of this father's thoughts about some realities of life we need to be conscious of. Losing touch with these realities in the sea of sex and sensuality that surrounds us shows me how far we've drifted from shore. The further we drift now makes it more difficult for the little feet that are sure to follow behind us to see land. If we continue drifting, we can only hope there is a Moral Coast Guard to bring them back.


©Copyright advice-for-lifetime-relationships
by Stanley J. Leffew
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

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Life Can Bring Joy out of Sorrow

We have been married for 53 years. Ed and I met while going to university and were married at age 21 – that makes us 74 years old. We now have two children and four grandchildren.
The early years of our marriage were not happy years, but were filled with stresses and strains. We really had nothing in common. Our likes and dislikes were totally different. Our ways of spending money were different. Our ideas of an enjoyable vacation were different. I even lived with the fear that he was going to leave me.
How it all Changed
We moved to Canada from the United States 38 years ago and I started to attend a Bible study. I had always believed in God and knew the Bible was true, but I really didn’t know what it said. I believed I would go to heaven just because I was a morally good person and tried to be kind and helpful to my family and friends.
It was through studying the Bible that I learned I could have a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ. It was this personal relationship that gave me the peace and direction I needed to carry on with life and making the right decisions in raising my family.
I’m not talking about a specific church or religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus. I prayed and asked His forgiveness for the sin of wanting to control my own life, and I asked God to take charge of my life. That decision didn’t mean that my life was going to be trouble free; it meant He was always there to help me through the hard times that came, because I now had a new foundation based on the solid rock of God.
Ed was not interested in spiritual things, so I continued to go to my Bible study but the rest of the time I followed the life Ed wanted to lead; however, I continued to pray for Ed and asked the Lord to do anything that it would take to bring him to know God as I did – even if that meant taking my life - but God had a different plan.
Tragedy Strikes
After I had been a Christian for about ten years, we went through a time of severe testing when our son was in the hospital undergoing many operations to correct the proper drainage of fluid in his brain. To our sadness, after several months, he lost his battle with what later turned out to be an inoperable brain tumor and died; however, to our joy, this brought Ed to know and trust the Lord and it also strengthened my faith.
I became totally aware of the sovereignty of God. Because of God’s grace, even as a loving mother I never became angry or blamed Him. I never asked,

“Why did you allow this to happen to my son?” or “Why did this happen to me?”

I truly learned that,

“ALL things work together for the good for those who love the Lord”

– just as the Bible says. We knew God’s purpose would be worked out. We didn’t know what good would come from our sorrow, but God did.
Encouraging Others
Perhaps the part of the good that came is being able to encourage each of you to have the Lord as head of your family. Our family was together for Ed and my 50th wedding celebration and our grandson, who was then 19, said that our 50 years together was a great example for him and he wanted to know our secret. I told him that it took three to make a good marriage: the husband, the wife and the Lord. It doesn’t mean you won’t have differences, but by each of you seeking guidance from the Bible and God through prayer, you will be able to work out your differences.
If you aren’t married I want to recommend that you and your betrothed establish that personal relationship with God before marriage. If you have children who aren’t married, do your best to persuade them that they need that relationship. To you who are already married, remember, it is never too late to have a much better marriage by having the Lord as head of your family.
Renewed Purpose in Life
Now Ed and I have a totally different focus and purpose for our lives. I lead Bible studies as well as attend them. I realize we should never stop learning from God’s word. Since we have the same goals, now our desire is to serve God and to serve each other. Since he is now a Godly person and desires to follow God’s commands, I no longer have the fear that he will leave me. As I get older, if I should become incapacitated in any way, I know he will always be there to encourage me and care for me. I also have the total assurance that we will be together for eternity.
So now, it’s a wonderful life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you, like Norma, have gone through deep sorrows or your marriage is shaky, you will do well to establish a personal relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. He will strengthen and help you. You can do that right now by praying and inviting Jesus Christ to be in control of your life. The following is a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

If you prayed today and asked Jesus Christ to come into your life and take control, we would love to hear from you. Drop us a quick line using the form below and if you're looking for a response, we'll do that too.
God Bless you.

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